


Vongola Style

by Ourliazo



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Aviaries, BAMF Sawada Tsunayoshi, Bad Parenting, Copy-Paste Profiles, Crack, Eating The Hearts Of Your Enemies, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hitting Below The Belt, How To Handfeed Your Hitman, Humor, I'll Fluff You To Death, M/M, Nana's Godly Cooking, Paintball, Pillow Fights, Reborn and Tsuna's Fluffy Relationship, Soulmates, Warning: Mist Users, Warning: Reborn's Cosplay, death by fire, fire gods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2018-10-13 06:13:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10507926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourliazo/pseuds/Ourliazo
Summary: A collection of unrelated stories, mostly Vongola ridiculousness, featuring anything and everything my mind can come up with.Chapter 18: The Arcobaleno find themselves in a soulmate collection long before they meet Checker Face. (Includes 40% soulmate mechanics, 30% infiltration tactics and 30% SkullxReborn.)





	1. Extremes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were building a pillow fort. That seemed innocent enough, but they were Vongola. They didn't do half measures.

"Byakuran!" Tsuna gasps, flames flickering out as he tumbles into the Gesso leader's office by the floor to ceiling window. "Byakuran, please. I need help."

"What can I do for you, Tsunayoshi-kun?” the Gesso leader asks immediately, a bit concerned at Tsuna’s desperate voice. “Perhaps some Chamomile tea? You look rather..." Byakuran trails off as he takes in the rumpled and exhausted twenty-two-year-old.

The expression Tsuna tries to hide so pathetically is heartbreaking.

"Frazzled," Byakuran decides. No one says he doesn't have tact. He stands from his swivel chair behind the large desk and walks up to a trembling Vongola Decimo to help guide the man to a couch.

"They... they just turned on me,” Tsuna mumbles, letting himself be pushed along. “After all these years spent together..." Tsuna barks out a laugh but it breaks halfway through and turns into a sob.

Byakuran says nothing as he finally manages to get Tsuna to the couch. The brunet collapses, flopping over until he’s spread along the entirety.

"Start from the beginning, Tsunayoshi-kun,” Byakuran asks. “I can't help if I don't know what I'm helping with." The Gesso boss takes a seat at the edge of the couch near Tsuna's waist but he pauses then, unsure how to comfort the man.

The Decimo has an arm across his eyes and a defeated, blank voice - as if holding back tears. "Hayato... him and all of my Guardians... even the Varia." The arm falls to his chest and he gazes up at Byakuran, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "It was a coup."

Out of all the things Tsuna could have said, that answer was the furthest from Byakuran's mind. It had seemed like the Guardians would follow Tsuna, right up until their deaths and then beyond.

The Gesso leader’s thoughts must have shown on his face because he gets a cynical laugh as a reply to his silent question.

"I know," Tsuna whispers, mind already far away.

* * *

" _I'm sorry, Juudaime, I truly am. But with the way this is going, we won't win using your careless strikes."_

" _Hayato... what are you trying to say?"_

" _This isn't extreme of us, but we need a good, strong leader for this war."_

" _Ryohei... Takeshi, talk some sense into them!"_

" _I'm sorry, Tsuna."_

_The weapon flashes in an arc._

* * *

"I'll lend you my resources and men," Byakuran promises, his usual smile gone from the seriousness of the situation.

Tsuna pushes off the couch, leaping at Byakuran and hugging the life out of the mafia boss. "Thank you! Thank you, Byakuran. With your help, I know I can defeat the Arcobaleno."

Byakuran pulls back and stares at Tsuna in shock. "Tsunayoshi-kun, why are you fighting the…" Byakuran trails off as Tsuna sprints for the door.

"We'll need every weapon in the base!" Tsuna calls over his shoulder, already out of the room before Byakuran can blink.

The white-haired man smirks. It's nice of those Guardians to make Tsuna dirty himself with revenge.

This will be the tipping point.

* * *

The ridiculously large Vongola training room has been changed from its usual set up, the obstacle courses and equipment removed, and the windows open to let in as much light as possible. The room is filled with two major defensive structures at either side and multiple barriers in between.

The former Guardians of the Decimo stand in the far corner of one make-shift defence, an attempt to get privacy. Ken and Chikusa are off to the side, discussing kamikaze tactics.

The Varia are in another corner, grumbling to themselves. They hadn't heard of the decision to overthrow Tsuna, but by the time they did, the Decimo was already gone. If they broke off now to form their own separate group they would lose cover, and the Arcobaleno would easily pick them off.

"Was it the right choice?" mutters a sombre Lambo.

There’s no reply, but Hayato looks away and Chrome worries the trident in her hands, shooting looks at Mukuro.

A war cry cuts through the air.

"Tsuna!" shouts Takeshi, instantly recognizing the voice.

They rush outside their fort to see a massacre. Byakuran's guardians have caught the Arcobaleno with a surprise attack, raining down killing blows with their thrown weapons before dropping from the industrial vents above to take out the survivors of the first wave. Tsuna's new team is now pummelling their prey viciously.

When they’re down to the last Arcobaleno, the Gesso Guardians gather and focus their attack power, all of them needed to hold down a struggling Reborn for Tsuna.

"Don't do this, Tsuna,” Reborn tries. “Not to me."

Tsuna pauses, unsure, but then shakes his head with a dark intensity in his eyes. The brunet steps up and accepts a weapon from Byakuran. "I'm sorry, Reborn, but you chose the wrong enemy," Tsuna says, staring down at the defeated Reborn with a blank expression.

Reborn looks around for help but the rest of the Arcobaleno are dead. No one is coming to save him.

Tsuna takes the weapon without hesitation and aims straight for Reborn's head. The blow would kill the hitman instantaneously, without any pain. It’s the least Tsuna can do for the man who raised him.

The pillow slaps Reborn with a puff.

Tsuna brings the pillow over his head and hits Reborn again, on the chest this time for a double tap. Then the Gesso Guardians release the hitman and Tsuna helps Reborn stand, looking smug as the hitman trudges to the 'dead' corner.

"Vicious," murmurs Kyouya with an appreciative expression.

There's a break in action as Tsuna consults with Byakuran on how their pillow fort will look. Soon the two bosses turn to their opponents as Bluebell takes charge of design. The Guardians emerge from their pillow fort then, the Varia grumbling but doing so as well.

"Juudaime," Hayato tries first. "We were in the wrong. Won't you forgive us?"

"It's too late, Hayato. We are now enemies." Tsuna looks sad as he says it, but determined.

Everyone takes up positions behind pillow barriers and mattress walls, each side with weapons in their hands. On a silent command, they charge forward, swinging pillows and tackling each other into piles of bedding.

It’s an absolute massacre; bodies walking to the dead corner, people tripping over pillows.

Bel hisses at another monotone insult from Fran and drops his small throw pillows, flicking out his knives instead. Lussuria intervenes quickly but Squalo gets riled up and swings his long body pillow around. Xanxus drops his fluffy weapon as well and out come the guns.

Chaos descends.

Hayato rolls his eyes when Kyouya escapes after them, his dual pillows abandoned for tonfa. The Varia and one Skylark leap out of the windows, chasing each other, thirsty for blood.

Lambo jerks when a pillow pats him on the back. He whirls around, only to find a certain Mist smirking at him. "Mukuro, you traitor!" Lambo suddenly screams when the realisation hits, stomping his foot and snatching up a pillow.

Mukuro dodges the throw with a laugh, the weapon sailing across the room and hitting Torikabuto instead.

"You can't attack when you’re dead," Takeshi reminds Lambo from the ‘killed’ corner. “We’re not playing zombie rules right now.”

Mukuro strolls towards Byakuran, a smirk on his face that only grows wider when he holds out a hand. Tsuna watches in horror as Byakuran shakes hands with the Mist.

"No,” Tsuna breaths out, stunned. “No, you can’t be…"

"You never win anyway, Tsunayoshi-kun,” Byakuran says dismissively. “I had high expectations when I heard your precious Guardians over-ruled you, but it seems you are still far too soft."

Byakuran hefts a pillow and the rest of the people still alive turn to Tsuna in sync. Half of Byakuran's -Daisy, Kikyo, Zakuro and Torikabuto- and all of Mukuro's -Chrome, Ken, Chikusa- tighten their grip on their pillows. Everyone else is dead or ‘playing’ outside.

Tsuna plants his feet and waits for the first move.

Daisy takes a step forward and Tsuna throws a pillow. Daisy ducks but Tsuna smacks him with another weapon as the Sun user straightens. Then the brunet twirls and hits Ken in the stomach after ducking a swing from the other man.

* * *

"Oh God," mutters Hayato with a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle his laughter.

From the side lines the picture is ridiculously hilarious. They watch Tsuna charge forward recklessly, adorable as he smushes pillows onto people's faces to kill them.

Takeshi tries to breathe deeply so he won't either start laughing at the scene or tackle Tsuna into a hug at how cute the Decimo is.

* * *

Tsuna swings wildly at Mukuro, who doges easily, but the illusionist's smirk falters when Tsuna lets go of the pillow mid-swing so that it flies forward and hits the previous Guardian base. It knocks into pillow and blanket walls, making the whole thing collapse and bury both Chrome and Kikyo under a mountain of bedding. Now only Mukuro, Tsuna and Byakuran are left.

Mukuro turns to Tsuna in shock, only to see a smug smile.

Tsuna throws himself to the side when Mukuro hurls a pillow. Grabbing a discarded weapon, the brunet leaps up and bumps Byakuran on the chin in an uppercut. He then tackles Mukuro and mushes a pillow onto the Mist’s face.

There’s an incredulous silence as everyone realizes that Tsuna just won. That’s never happened before since Tsuna tends to sacrifice himself or get killed when he’s laughing too much. They must have really pissed him off with the whole overthrowing thing. Oops.

They grumble half-heartedly but they’re smiling. Teams are picked and their forts are rebuilt. They have a few more hours to get through before the power comes back on.

Not that Tsuna had anything to do with that.


	2. Happy Birthday? (Tsuna edition)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuna is equal parts amused and horrified when it turns out Reborn doesn't stop cosplaying even after he reaches adulthood. Tsuna is used to it, he had thought. Apparently not.

"Tsuna," Takeshi begins, the usually comforting weight of his arm around Tsuna's shoulders turning into a restricting hold. "You're twenty-six now and we're beginning to get worried."

Tsuna blinks.

"Not that there's anything wrong with the way you go about things, Juudaime," Hayato quickly cuts in, his own hold on the Decimo's wrist. "You can go at whatever speed makes you comfortable. But we've seen you pass up quite a few relationships..."

"Kyoko, Haru, Mia-" Takeshi lists.

"Okay," Tsuna interrupts. "I get the point, but I don't see where _this_  is going, nor where  _we_  are going – this way leads to the bedrooms."

"Well, we were thinking that it's okay to be shy but you also need to put yourself out there," Takeshi coaches gently.

"What?" Tsuna mutters, rather confused when the two slow to a stop in front of his door, with the little fish plaque on it from his childhood.

Takeshi pushes open the door and Tsuna suddenly has trouble breathing, not even able to try and resist when the two pull him further into the room.

Reborn is sitting casually on the bed, one leg slung over the other and leaning back on his hands. His usual suit and hat have been replaced, the man now bare foot and clad in a blood red, skin tight dress that barely covers anything.

"We got you an escort," Takeshi says.

Tsuna chokes and spins around to run, but his legs go weak and he falls to his hands and knees. A high pitched whine escapes him, just as his lungs finally start working again and he takes in deep breaths, trying to think about breathing and nothing else.

"What?" comes Reborn's usual deep, mocking voice. "Am I not good enough for you, Dame-Decimo?"

Tsuna collapses face down the same time he shatters into laughter, unfortunately on an exhale so there isn't enough air for normal laughing - it's just quiet convulsions.

The shaking is worrisome, and even more so, the sounds that come from the poor man are too much like broken sobs for him to be anything approaching okay. Hayato and Takeshi happily ignore this.

"We'll just leave you two alone, Juudaime," Hayato chuckles and slips out of the room with Takeshi. A lock engages from the outside and Tsuna vaguely wonders when that was installed.

Tsuna wheezes, shuddering in silent hysteria as he curls up on his side and wraps his arms around his head in a pathetic attempt at defence. From what, he doesn't have the mental capacity to figure out.

"This is no way to treat a lady," Reborn berates darkly, but not even the promise of pain could stop Tsuna from shaking.

A light thump near his head makes him shift an arm down so he could squint through tears. It's a package covered in orange wrapping paper that was dropped onto the floor.

"Happy birthday, Dame-Tsuna." Reborn's voice is fond.

Tsuna whimpers again, reaching out to pull the box to his chest and pressing his cheek harder against the floor, hoping he won't actually die from asphyxiation because of laughter.

He'll say thank you later, when he can actually talk.


	3. Kittens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuna wakes up to fluffy kittens. It's not as sweet as it seems.

The twenty-six year old Decimo is currently napping on a couch in his office. He's spread out on his back with one leg raised and resting against the back of the couch. A hand is on his abdomen with his other arm raised, that hand tucked under his head.

The large desk he usually sits at is cluttered with a laptop and papers scattered about with pens and pencils tucked in between the layers.

The door, normally open but politely closed by a passing Vongola member, slowly opens and two figures creep in. One with glasses and red hair nervously keeps glancing at the blonde striding in without a care, a cardboard box in the man's hands.

"Uh," Shoichi begins hesitantly when they reach the sleeping Decimo. "Tsuna?"

The Decimo hums, his eyes still closed as he struggles to awaken, his mind foggy and reality around him blurry.

"Wake up please," Shoichi continues. "Sorry about this but we have a problem - wait, Spanner!"

A lungful of air is forced out of Tsuna when something slams into his stomach and the Decimo groans but Reborn hits harder so he just settles down again.

"Meow!" says quite a few tiny things from the vicinity of Tsuna's abdomen, the tones all small and soft with an impressive number of inflictions ranging from annoyance to delight.

"…Did you just pour kittens on me?" Tsuna asks, voice husky from sleep. His eyes still don't open even though he knows he has to get up.

"...No?" Spanner tries.

"Spanner, don't lie," Shoichi huffs. "Tsuna, I really think you need to wake up... some of them are trying to get under your clothes..."

"They are really fluffy," comments Tsuna as he feels three separate balls of softness sneak up his shirt.

A few more spread out, one munching on his fingers and another striding across his torso to curl up in the space between his neck and the arm raised.

"You really shouldn't let them crawl on you," Shoichi hums in concern as he watches one wriggle into Tsuna's chest pocket.

"Why?" Tsuna mumbles sleepily as he rubs his cheek against the one near his neck. "Are they radioactive?"

"No," Spanner says. "But that one's Reborn and I'm pretty sure they're all going to remember when they turn human again."

Tsuna's eyes snap open. "Oh."

* * *

Tsuna has to get up eventually and finds out that his Guardians as well as Reborn and Fon, who was visiting Kyouya, had been down in the Vongola basement laboratory to see the new standard of box weapon when Mukuro said something and Kyouya tackled him into a new machine off to the side.

The rest were too close to avoid the sudden gush of gas from a broken canister in the machine, the casing of which had distinctive punctures from Kyouya's spiked tonfa. Shoichi and Spanner immediately bolted because they knew better than to try and be heroes, and when they crept back in, tiny kittens were stumbling round the lab's floor.

The two mad scientists dumped them on Tsuna and retreated back to the lab to fix things and analyse the gas' effects on humans since it was only a theoretical model without any live tests yet.

The good news in all this is that it does exactly what it was built to do. Hopefully the effects will wear off like planned as well, in twenty-four hours.

It's now dark outside and Tsuna has done no work at all, far too busy staring at his cats.

He's propped up his chin on one hand and the other is covering a kitten Hayato like a blanket. Takeshi is wrapped around Tsuna's shoulders and Ryohei is still playing with the cat toy on the floor beside the desk.

Reborn is splayed out across Tsuna's keyboard, territorial and occasionally purring mockingly. Mukuro sits at a sleeping Chrome's side like a sentry, watching everything with heterochromatic eyes that catch every movement. Lambo is in Tsuna's lap, slowly scratching his pants to ribbons.

In the usual candy bowl Tsuna has on his desk is Kyouya and Fon, the two black kittens curled up around each other with Kyouya lying on Fon's stomach, the Storm's arms around the Cloud to keep him down as Fon languidly licks in between ears that are flattened back.

Kyouya doesn't seem to like it but he also looks really comfortable and the sun is bathing him in warmth so he won't be moving for a while. Kyouya doesn't even protest at Fon curling their tails together.

Tsuna uses the same method when he needs the Cloud for a meeting, placing the Guardian in the seat right next to the window that gets a perfect amount of sun.

The two Arcobaleno are more cat than kitten, grown due to their age. Tsuna has his suspicions that the felines are at least partly aware of what's going on and they're using that knowledge to melt him into a puddle of goo at their adorableness.

Tsuna's bin is home to a bag of cat treats, the evil kittens having already made him pass out the treats within the first ten minutes. Takeshi is constantly blinking at Tsuna with huge, shining eyes and begging cat treats off him. Ryohei rolls around and bounces on Tsuna's foot, adorably energetic. Lambo just starts meowing while Hayato will purr.

Mukuro steals them somehow and passes half along to Chrome. Kyouya refuses to eat any despite Fon head-butting him pointedly, and Fon will politely nod at Tsuna for treats. Reborn just has to glare at Tsuna to get one.

Tsuna blinks out of memory slowly as Reborn uncurls from his position blocking the laptop and stands, walking with an intent that makes Tsuna wary. He strides past a curiously watching Mukuro and ignores Hayato's overprotective hiss when Reborn comes too close to Tsuna's hand covering the silver kitten.

Reborn eventually ends up at the candy bowl, eye level with the lip of the glass, and he rises up on his back two legs, placing his front paws on the bowl to balance himself as he peers inside. The hitman – hitcat – hitkitten reaches out a paw and very deliberately hovers it over a coffee flavoured hard candy in brown packaging.

Kyouya's head snaps up and his sliver eyes lock onto Reborn, pupils slitting further as his tail starts a slow sway in the air. Tsuna sighs in exasperation but it's unbelievably cute so he lets them go.

Reborn mockingly lowers the paw and right before he touches the candy, Kyouya stands from his previous sprawl on Fon, a deep, low growl starting up at the back of his throat.

Tsuna chokes a little because a tiny kitten should not be able to make that noise.

Reborn grabs the candy packet and whisks it out of the bowl right before Kyouya springs at him in outrage. The tackle catches Reborn and both black kittens, one with slightly curlier fur denoting the hitman, go rolling across the desk.

Mukuro makes a strange noise as they pass him and it takes Tsuna a moment to link it to a cat version of the Mist's usual 'kufufufu'.

Fon stands and hops out of the candy bowl, pacing over to the two tumbling kittens before reaching in and gripping Kyouya by the back of his neck. The younger goes still and Fon pulls back before trotting to the bowl, Kyouya hanging from his mouth.

Fon drops Kyouya into the bowl and flops down onto the Cloud, going straight back to licking the kitten in a weird mix of trying to clean the homicidal intent from him and bonding time. Kyouya glares up at Tsuna with narrowed eyes, making the Decimo lean back in caution, the kitten clearly blaming Tsuna for the entre situation.

Reborn struts back to the keyboard with his candy in his mouth, and in a few neat scratches of his claws it opens and he starts licking it, all cutesy. Tsuna reaches out and strokes the soft fur of the hitman. 

The door opens then and Shoichi hesitantly steps in. "The process can be sped up so they'll return to their forms sooner," he tells Tsuna.

"Is it ready now?" Tsuna asks.

"Yes, it's set up already." Shoichi looks warily at the kittens. "Do you need help moving them? I can get the box again."

Tsuna hums, eyes roving over his cats. "Nah, I'm sure they can wait it out." He smiles at Shoichi kindly. "I've always wanted a cat."

Shoichi looks concerned, backing away towards the door.

"Keep the machine for me, won't you?" Tsuna hums, already back to watching Reborn purr under his fingers. "For next time I need a rest day."

Shoichi slips out through the door silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was going nowhere from the start, I just really want a cat.


	4. Flame Source

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a God of Fire inside Tsuna, and he just wants everything to burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Background: Disregard everything about flame origins, but everything else happened like canon – if not slightly more violent during the battles.

There is a place inside of Tsuna that he falls into sometimes.

It’s when he can’t handle it anymore and his mind just shuts down. He tumbles and dives - and is occasionally dragged - into this place. It’s not a new development but sometimes this place and the concept of having it overwhelms him.

It’s not a nice place.

Don’t misunderstand, though - it feels comforting and safe like nothing can hurt him. This place is warm without being hot and all-encompassing without being oppressive. It’s a fine line between those, Tsuna realises, because the mafia was on the other end of the spectrum. It’s just that… it isn’t nice to people other than Tsuna.

It grows bigger every time Tsuna falls.

He wraps himself in it sometimes. It helps him, no matter the situation – and no matter the cost paid by unsuspecting triggers. It squirms just a bit deeper into Tsuna’s consciousness every time he wakes up after. When he was a kid it was barely noticeable, but now it hovers and beckons.

Tsuna is scared.

Because maybe, one day, he’ll fall and keep on falling. That there won’t be an end and he won’t wake up. Tsuna _needs_ to wake up, because when he’s asleep the place does things that leaves rust coloured stains and black scorch marks.

He doesn’t remember much of the future, but Byakuran won’t look him in the eye any more.

That it’s _Byakuran_ who’s wary, more than anything, is a sign something is wrong. Tsuna is only glad that it wasn’t outright fear teasing at the edges of the man’s expression, but that could change any time. He has memories of fighting and his friends but it trails off into blanks when he tries to remember leaving the Choice arena.

His friends don’t know either.

They say he vanished and Byakuran chased him. Gokudera apologises for not finding a trail, and Ryohei praises him for moving so (Extremely!) fast, while Yamamoto laughs and says Tsuna showed up two days later and Byakuran was never found. Reborn gives him unnoticeable looks that the thing inside him hums at.

Reborn used to be a trigger.

Less so now that Tsuna has moved to Italy. Before, it took everything he had to keep stable footing in front of his mother. He slipped up a few times -Mukuro, Xanxus, Daemon, Bermuda- but managed to wrestle back control so there wasn’t too much damage. Now, the thing inside doesn’t register the hitman as anything more than amusing, which Tsuna supposes he should be grateful for. The place was being very tame compared to before; it didn’t take over as quickly or as often. It almost seems to let Tsuna take the lead.

However, it's growing restless.

It started hooking tendrils around Tsuna not more than a week back. It would pull sometimes, just teasing little tugs that sent his vision black and made his steps falter, but it didn’t pull him down. Unfortunately, the timing couldn’t be worse; a Chinese mafia were taking liberties with Vongola-run operations.

They called themselves Hui Lu and it made the place churn and flare.

Tsuna’s smile was growing harder to fake the longer they spent blatantly mocking him. His friends (“Guardians, Dame-Tsuna. Guardians and allies.”) must have picked up on it because they're being more confrontational than they usually are, which is going to end well for no one.

Tsuna just needs to stay calm, _and everything will be fine-_

A harsh yank makes Tsuna wince and sends Gokudera into a fit. “Wait, no!” Tsuna cries, holding out a hand to make Gokudera put down a chair that he was about to throw at the Hui Lu diplomat. “I’m fine, just a headache.”

Reborn is glaring a hole into the back of Tsuna's head from wherever the hitman is hiding. Tsuna could not possibly care any less about what Reborn considers a weakness. Gokudera needs to be calmed and Tsuna won’t even mention the growling thing inside of him. At least Mukuro and Chrome are enjoying this, hiding smiles behind cups of water.

“Perhaps you should go rest, Vongola Decimo.” The man smiles like Tsuna is just a formality and he already has everything sorted out. “Hui Lu will oversee the weapon exports. All you have to do is sign the contract.”

Tsuna manages to stifle a shudder, ignoring the rage from that place when it heard the name.

Reborn told him the reference and Tsuna thought it maybe a little too arrogant. Hui Lu is a God of fire and a magician in mythology. He carries around a gourd full of one hundred fire birds that is said to burn an entire continent if they are ever let free.

Then again, Tsuna runs an organisation called Clam, and the world strongest seven called themselves Rainbow. They have no room to talk.

“Thank you, but no. I’d prefer to get this sorted out.” Tsuna waves it off and accepts the stack of papers from Jessie, one of the people in the legal department – poor lady got the short straw. He flips through the contract once again, eyes skimming across bright red annotations that covered all available space. “We’re almost finished, and the sooner we get this done, the sooner my legal team can draw this up.”

The five members of Hui Lu look annoyed from across the table.

Tsuna hides a smile, passing the papers back to Jessie. It really is mean to do this, but he has free time and the look on their boss’s face when he reads it will be so entertaining. Re-working it so the main theme of ‘Hui Lu gets all the profit and deals while Vongola passes all resources over and doesn’t stick their nose in’ was completely changed to ‘Hui Lu can find their own business deals, like grown adults, but Vongola would be happy to help their Kouhai for a reasonable sum’.

It's been passed back and forth already, and while the wording would change, neither of them are giving concessions. The best part, by far, is that each of them know exactly what they're doing. It's literally the most childish thing Tsuna has ever done.

Reborn disapproves. Tsuna doesn’t care.

The place inside of him twists and shudders in amusement, urging him to mock, to insult, to _burnandburnandburn-_

Tsuna takes a deep breath and let it out slowly. “So, you get use of forklift-15D on Tuesdays and Sundays, but only every other week, because then you get it on Mondays and Wednesday afternoons.”

Mukuro is dying if his coughing fit is any indication. Chrome is politely smiling with glazed over eyes and Gokudera has his head down and is wheezing strangely. Jessie just bent over the papers even further, admirably keeping her professionalism.

“Decimo, really.” One of the Hui Lu men speak up, looking like he wants to walk out. A sudden ringing cuts him off and the leader fishes out his phone, takes one look at the caller ID and excuses himself.

They turn back to the contract and waffle about with fanciful words, throwing backhanded compliments like it's an Olympic sport. Mukuro is thriving and Gokudera gives as good as he gets. Tsuna leans back in his chair and watches with Chrome.

The mockery of a professional discussion ends when the leader comes back, his phone still in his hand. “Sorry, but Liu Fei doesn’t want to waste any more time.” The other four Hui Lu stand.

“But this was so productive.” Tsuna says with a smile. In an instant the leader smashes his phone onto the table and a cloud of white gas gushes out and spreads to cover the room in seconds. Tsuna lurches to his feet and presses his collar to his face to not inhale too much of the gas.

He can see, vaguely, his three Guardians jerking up and charging the Hui Lu. Reborn is beside him in a split second, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him backwards to the just opened window. Tsuna flails a bit but manages to find Jessie’s arm and drags her with them. In between one second and the next, Reborn is leaving him to jump into the fray and he’s helping Jessie out of the window to the balcony below.

“Get inside and stay there. I’ll come find you when it’s over,” he tells Jessie.

The crashes and thumps picks up sound and speed, indicating that backup has arrived. He ducks back in, takes one step and a skull-jarring hit makes him black out.

* * *

“Wakey, wakey.”

Tsuna rolls away from the noise and his eyes snaps open. A large grin coveres his vision, pulling away to reveal a black haired man in a dark grey suit. Tsuna blinks and jerks up, just noticing the cuffs tying his hands behind him and his ankles together.

Tsuna hunches over, groaning when the sudden movement makes his head throb, and more than that, the thing inside him bends and bubbles. “Couldn’t have just asked?” His rhetorical question gets a chuckle.

“Well, I had an in, so why wouldn’t I use her?” Liu Fei shrugs casually.

Tsuna’s head snaps up and spies Jessie standing in the corner. Another groan escapes him, echoed by a low growl in the back of his mind.

“Of course it had to be the sane one.” Tsuna complains. “Because anyone else around me would laugh in your face and outline their own plan for my death.” He slumps back down onto the white chaise lounge. (And _wow_ is the furniture uncomfortable.)

“I can’t deny that.” Liu Fei pats him on the head. “Now, welcome to my famiglia, Hui Lu.”

The thing jerks on Tsuna’s ribcage, making his back arch.

“I am Liu Fei, the Fire God reborn into a modern world.”

It howls in rage and a cord wraps harshly around Tsuna ankle, dragging him into suffocating waters.

“You really are fun to have around, so don’t think this is personal.”

Tsuna’s head slips under but his hands grab onto reality with a dying man’s desperation.

“Now, I would stay but I do have things to be doing. Chan Ming will take over for me.” Liu Fei pulls back and gestures for another man with dyed silver hair, before walking out with a strut to his step.

Ming smiles wickedly and steps closer. “It’s simply because you are in our way, so we must burn you-“

A hand snaps out and wraps around Ming’s neck, digging in nails until the useless human can’t breathe. What a pathetic sight. If you hope to command Hui Lu and everything he stands for, you must be stronger, faster, and far more…durable.

Tsuna brings the man closer and tilts his head, observing the hand that gropes for a sword, and the other that tries to pry his hand off Ming’s neck. The humans around are making loud noises and are running closer, unwilling to use their black weapons with their compatriot so close.

Tsuna opens his mouth to speak.

* * *

Ming knows he's going to die. It's with an utter certainty and acceptance of said fact that lets him stare into the Decimo’s eyes. Or maybe it's because of the eyes. Sure, he still tried to get away, but that urge is simply instinct and muscle memory.

Because he is already dead.

Decimo grins, wild and free and oh so beautiful. A white hot tongue of fire flickers out and coyly traces his lips before darting back in. His hair is liquid amber and his eyes a molten gold. Ming feels his neck warm under the man’s hand and tries to gulp down saliva through the constriction.

Blue flames flare up from the Decimo’s heart, gliding along his suit and burning away the finest material, revealing glowing white skin underneath. Ming feels his palm hit the hilt of his sword and it's habit to pull on it. It scrapes out of the scabbard and when he blinks it's already pushing into the Decimo’s skin.

The metal wavers and shudders under the pressure of meeting such a man, and Ming isn’t surprised when it bows at the man’s feet, dripping molten graphene on to floor in deference. The Lightning flames that shoot down the swords length won’t do anything, not that MIng wants it to. Either way, the current of jagged green meets an invisible barrier and disappears.

There is no way he will come out of this still breathing. He’s going to die, is dying, and was already dead. Case closed, no post script. At least he's leaving with the image of a God encased in fire seared into his thoughts. Unfortunately, the voice of a demon lasts a lot longer.

* * *

Ashes float gently to the ground, decorating the floor in colourless beauty, swirling in the lightest of air currents. Tsuna lets them land on his still outstretched hand, contemplating how beautiful ugly things can be after the cleansing of fire.

A choked sob comes from the quiet room and Tsuna drops his hand, turning gracefully to face a female in the corner. She's trying to push through the wall with will power alone, hand covering her mouth and tears making her cheeks glisten in the light of undulating fires.

DON’T BE SCARED, HUMAN.

A guttural, overlapping of screams explodes from Tsuna’s lips. It's all pain and all death mixed into the scrapping and grinding of two trains meeting at full speed. She screams and covers her ears, blood slipping between her fingers. The human falls to her knees and Tsuna frowns at the dramatics.

IT WILL HURT, BUT ONLY FOR A MOMENT.

The human convulses and stills, her eyes still crying but her face slack. Tsuna frowns harder. That is a little bit over the top, isn’t it? He hasn’t done anything… oh, right. Tsuna smiles, happy that he has figured it out.

"I forgot how pitifully weak you all are.” Tsuna glides over to her, swerving around gluttonous fires blazing on top of human skin. Ashes dance around him, resting on his glowing skin before dissolving into nothingness. His black suit has crumpled in the face of his awakening, tatters hanging onto his chest and arms. He pulls them off as he walks, and liquefied his shoes until he is barefoot.

The human twitches when he stops at her form. He holds his hand palm-down above her and lets white hot lava dribble onto her head. She convulses and goes still. He smiles at the playful liquid that quickly eats up the body.

He missed this. His powers were so restricted when he slept; it was always soft and warm, never alive. Tsuna twists to look over his shoulder, glad to see that the flames are exploring in their usual child-like curiosity. They would flicker ever so hesitantly before leaping and tumbling forward with an excited, unstoppable momentum.

The floor under his feet starts getting too soft so he makes his way to the door, leaving glowing red puddles of concrete where he steps. He stops at the door and nods in thanks when a little flame opens it for him, burning the wood away.

Tsuna makes his way through the mansion, leaving a path of bright and wild life behind him. He closes his eyes as he walks, letting the fires joyfully recount meeting other humans on their exploration, and about how they tasted so sweet.

Tsuna frowns when the flames catch sight of another.

The flames call out the location and he takes off in a dead sprint. He skids around the corner, his feet splashing up boiling concrete against the wall. The captured human is in his sight now. He makes active effort in cooling himself down before stepping through the ring of fire and smiling at the enraged man.

“Decimo, what brings you here?” Liu Fei smiles crookedly, spreading his arms and gesturing to the ring of blue fire. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Tsuna really is sorry that the man is so intolerable, because they would have been good friends otherwise. Unfortunately, the human though he could command fire, and that would not do.

“Do not tempt me, human.” Tsuna steps closer, cold enough to not burn, but still uncomfortable to Liu Fei.

“Human? So you think yourself above me?” The grin is manic. “How about you come down here with the little people and I’ll show you _my_ flames this time?”

Tsuna scoffs, circling the man and trailing a hand through the wall of flame. “You think you have fire?” Tsuna mutters before raising his voice in question. “How, exactly, do you think this is going to end? You didn’t even try to run.” Tsuna cocks his head to the side. “Do you think I will be satisfied with only taking apart this building and its inhabitants, but not you?”

Liu Fei shrugs, uncaring. His rings lights up with Sky flames, a dark orange that travels to his elbow before stopping. He casually rolls up his sleeve, revealing the shine of sliver metal that is his arm. In an instant it shifts and clicks, whirring into a cannon like form and belting out successive globules of plasma.

Tsuna jerks in shock, blinking down at the blobs that cling to his torso. They fizzle out momentarily and Liu Fei looks hesitant for the first time Tsuna has known him.

“That was rude," Tsuna berates. "Perhaps I should take your life as forfeit?” Tsuna gives him a smile, his body slowly heating up to a visible glow.

“Decimo,” Liu Fei begins. “It really wasn’t personal. My family – you have to understand, my family believes everything is a do-or-die scenario.” He blinks away sweat from the too hot temperatures.

The circle of flames close up, teasingly caressing the human but backing off before catching onto his clothes. Tsuna is disappointed that the man gave up instead of fighting, but oh well.

Tsuna answers back lightly, “Do you expect for me to simply back down when you bare your neck to me in a facade of submission? You, who does not even know what he is up against?” Tsuna offers up a grin with more teeth than necessary.

Liu Fei scowls and shifts on his feet, desperate to find a way out but not able to.

“You are much like Icarus; ignorant.” Tsuna says it like it’s a fact. “Believing you are in control. That you can stop me if I ‘go too far'. Be careful, for if this happens again, I will burn much more than your wings of arrogance.”

Tsuna rocks back on his heels and the flames sway with him. Liu Fei doesn’t notice that his shirt has caught on fire, but Tsuna sees the bright blue tower above the man.

“For I am Ra, and you are but a common sparrow."

The wave crashes down upon the human’s head and Tsuna is already walking away when the screaming begins.


	5. Happy Birthday? (Reborn edition)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intruders were in Reborn's house and he was the furthest thing from amused. Someone was going to get a fist full of Sun flames in the face. If only Leon was co-operating.

A strange feeling overcame Reborn, pulling him from a vague dream that he had already forgotten. It wasn't bloodlust so he kept feigning sleep. He stayed still, but every nerve ending tingled. Someone was in his room.

He released the smallest amount of flames that he could, dispersing them into the air to get a better sense of the threat. One, two, three... six of them were spread about the room. How did they find this house? Flames were in use but it was so faint he couldn't discern what type.

He felt warmth reach towards his face and in between one second and the next he rolled in the opposite direction, leaping to his feet and summoning his flames as he reached for Leon on the bedside table. A burst of yellow lit up the pitch black room but only managing a small sphere around his hands, not revealing any of the intruders.

He snatched up the chameleon expecting him to shift into a gun, but instead Reborn found his hands pressed together in a Leon-bag. The light was stifled and he was back to being sightless.

"Leon-" Reborn wasn't allowed to think on his partner's actions because he felt a shift behind him. He whirled around, dodging backwards as a punch flew at his face. He narrowed his eyes at the darkness, aware that they were using flames, but unable to see them.

He dropped low and swung out a leg, catching the intruder by the ankles and sending them toppling. The next second he was kneeling on the man's stomach, one foot pushing under a chin. He ducked and rolled when the air pressure signified a weapon approaching, unable to snap the intruder's neck because of the interruption.

That was fine, because even if he couldn't manifest the flames, they were always waiting under his skin. His bare foot had dug into the man's neck, so right about now the intruder would be collapsing to the feeling of his skin decaying. Reborn had sped up the renewal factor but cut off before new ones formed, only leaving dead cells.

Reborn tried to focus his eyes on the room but all he could see was black. His eyes should have adjusted by now. He ducked low and slid forwards, ramming his shoulder into another intruder's stomach. They rolled over his shoulder and thumped on the ground. Or at least they should have.

Reborn slid back, the kick missing him, and struck out with his leg, throwing the man across the room and into the wall. There it was again; no sound. He inwardly cursed his oversight. A Mist user, that's what he sensed first. They were keeping the room black and soundless so they had the advantage.

He tugged at his hands, knowing that Leon was shifting at the strain but not seeing. He certainly wasn't going to hurt the chameleon but he didn't want to get kidnapped either. 'Kidnapped' because that's the only explanation for the men's actions; they weren't using deadly force and the one man who kept trying to get close was a Rain user that was struggling to make him fall asleep, or at least make him loose concentration so the other teammates could knock Reborn out.

Reborn twisted, narrowly missing the weapon aimed for his stomach. He stepped back but his heel landed on something that definitely wasn't the carpet of his room. He tried to jerk his foot away, tilting his body away from a punch. Whatever he stepped on wrapped around his foot and crawled up his calf, pinning him to the spot.

He didn't want to hurt Leon so he used a forearm to block the blunt weapon aimed at his head, gritting his teeth at the pain. The other man pushed his weight onto the object, forcing Reborn to push back so his head didn't get taken off. Another blunt weapon slammed into his side forcing the breath out of him. The strange slime crawled up his leg, locking it into place. The Rain user approached from behind. Someone ducked low and pinned his other leg into place with… was that ice?

Tsuna?

 _Oh fuck the hell no._ He was not losing to his student, damn it.

Sun flames roared from inside Leon, filling the chameleon and overloading his system. The flame drunk animal fell from Reborn's hands, revealing the painfully bright yellow. He heard a curse from one of the men and smirked at the fact that he was over-riding the Mist flames. 

A hand pressed against his back, pumping concentrated Rain flames into his body, trying to shut it down. He elbowed the man, forcing him away and hearing him gasp for breath as sun flames dug their way into his lungs, but Reborn's body was already slumping under the foreign flames in his system.

The weapon he was holding back with his forearm pushed stronger and Reborn tilted back, out of balance because of his locked legs. He collapsed, the man on top of him, and his back impacted hard onto the ground, the slime moving with his body - thankfully, because he didn't want a broken leg. Unfortunately, the ice wrapping his calf kept his leg bent upwards at an uncomfortable angle.

The Mist gave up being subtle and wrapped Reborn's head tightly, blocking his sight even stronger this time. He barely moved in time to catch the blunt weapon in his hands. He forced Sun flames into his hand, scraping his nails across his eyelids and pushing away most of the Mist. He lashed out at the blurry man sitting on his waist, activating the other's Cloud flames. Purple erupted from the man, deforming the weapons.

The intruder reared back in shock, Reborn using the pause to grab him by the shoulders and throw him to the side. He heard one of the weapons fall beside his head and quickly snatched it up, pumping yellow flames into the metal and stealing the traces of Cloud flames. Reborn propagated the air in-between the ice, slime and his body, bulging the substances until he could slip away.

Reborn straightened up, glaring through the last traces of vanishing Mist flames.

Mukuro kufufu'd and quietly tried to leave. Ryohei was slumped against the bed, Sun flames pouring from his hands into his reforming windpipe. Hayato was lying at the base of a wall, unmoving. Takeshi breathed shallowly, clutching at his chest. Kyouya clawed at the thick chain around his neck that was cutting off his breathing, his clothing and everything else was thicker and warped strangely.

Tsuna laughed nervously.

"That was pathetic," Reborn growled out, reaching out and cuffing the back of his student's head. "It took four minutes to down all of you."

"H-happy birthday?" Tsuna stuttered out, making Reborn pause.

A cracking sound signified Kyouya had broken the chain. Ryohei staggered to his feet breathing normally. Takeshi slowly got to his feet as well, accepting Ryohei's flames. Hayato groaned and shifted slightly. Mukuro had already nope'd out of there.

"Did you try to kidnap me for a surprise birthday?" Reborn sounded out slowly.

Nervous laughter came from Tsuna as he edged backwards.

"I asked a question, Dame-Tsuna. Where's my answer?" Reborn stalked forwards, grabbing Tsuna's shirt in a fist.

" _IwantedtogiveyouagreatbirthdayandaskedtheothersandColonellosuggestedthisandbecauseYunisuggestedanamusementparkandI'msosorrypleasedon'tkillme."_ Tsuna cringed away, raising his arms as a defence.

"I didn't catch any of that. How about you try it slower, with pauses." Reborn shook him, ignoring how the other occupants of the room tried to quietly slip out, dragging their unconscious teammate with them.

Tsuna gulped. "I wanted to give you a good birthday and so I asked your friends-" Reborn scoffed but Tsuna continued like he didn't hear him. "-and they suggested an amusement park, so I bought the entire day and we were going to surprise you. Except, the only way to do that was if you weren't conscious, otherwise you could read it from our minds-"

"You're just obvious."

"-so we had to keep you unconscious." Tsuna gave a little shrug and looked down at him with big, apologetic eyes.

"And you thought you could get away with it, why?" Reborn raised an eyebrow at the floundering mafia boss.

"Well, you look like you're fifteen so I kind of just expected to walk in and…" Tsuna trailed of at the pissed expression on Reborn's face. "I should go now." He wriggled free of his jumper, sacrificing it so he could speed out of the room.

* * *

Omake:

"-so we had to keep you unconscious." Tsuna gave a little shrug and looked down at him with big, apologetic eyes.

"Were you really going to drag me out like this?" Reborn gestured at his body - more specifically, the fact that he was only wearing loose shorts.

"Well, we were going to dress you…" Tsuna trailed off at Reborn's blank expression.

"I think we need to set some ground rules for birthday parties." Reborn held up one finger. "One: no stripping people-"

Tsuna flailed, managing to smack Reborn's hands away, and ran as soon as he could.


	6. Let's do the time warp again~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (╯ರ _ ರ）╯︵ ┻━┻ 
> 
> Or: Time loops suck and Tsuna wishes people would just co-operate and follow the script.

The first time he snapped back, he was thirty four and had just taken a bullet to the heart. He woke up to a year or so before Reborn arrives, so confused but happy that he hadn't died, planning on redoing things faster this time.

He fell into a hellish training schedule to rival Reborn's, but he could tolerate it for a better chance, before people got hurt. Then Reborn arrived and he got his hands on the pills that unlocked his flames. He snapped up his Guardians, tackled Mukuro to the ground and threatened him until he complied, and bargained the Vindice down to Vongola owing them a favour.

Tsuna then smacked Xanxus around, before smacking Timoteo around too for freezing his son, before telling both to fuck off back to Italy. He caught up with a young Byakuran and warned him, nicely, that if he suddenly had the idea to take over the world, Tsuna's going to have to smack him around too.

Next was the Arcobaleno. He knocked on Kawahira's door and proceeded to have a chat turned lecture on Being Mean To People. He gave him a crate holding the glass bowls and instructions. Then he smiled and wondered out loud how happy Bermuda would be if the ex-Arcobaleno suddenly got a hold of Kawahira's address.

He moved on to the Shimon next, appearing in Enma's room, kind of guilty at freaking him out, but having to get him away from Julie who was possessed by Deamon. He dropped eye witness accounts of Daemon being a dick to convince the red head, then he dragged Enma off to beat up the ghost together as a bonding exercise.

And that was it. An admittedly suspicious happy ending, but that was supposed to be it. Then the one person he didn't suspect cornered him and soon enough he was staring down the barrel of gun, accused of killing the real Sawada Tsunayoshi.

In Tsuna's second life, his father killed him with cold eyes.

* * *

In his third one, he decided to be a bit more subtle and not just throw down with the powerhouses of the mafia. After training once more, getting annoyed at his younger body, he followed the timeline closer to his old one, but quicker. He dealt with Reborn's antics to get the pills, found his Guardians, and watched his father with a wary eye. Unfortunately, the similarities made him slack and unconcerned, even in a fight – almost especially in a fight.

When he turned his back on Xanxus, he woke up to his bedroom ceiling.

* * *

In his fourth life, he sent a tonne of laxatives to the Varia headquarters.

It felt good, despite the fact that Xanxus hadn't yet unfroze. His father arrived in shock that his son knew the address and Tsuna revealed his notes. He was then flown over to Italy to meet Timoteo.

Rather naively, he thought they would actually include him in their plans. When it became apparent they weren't, he found himself crawling through the vents to watch the meeting. He watched as Nono passed a folder to a nondescript man and ordered him to dispose of Byakuran.

Tsuna didn't bother to listen to the rest of the meeting, immediately dropping from the ceiling and demanding an explanation. Timoteo gave him a patronising smile and Nougat, his Rain Guardian, was suddenly moving faster than an old man should.

They put him on the first flight back to Japan as soon as he regained consciousness, despite his screams, logical demands, and embarrassingly enough, crying. A week later an assassin cornered him at the market and slit his throat.

Tsuna cursed the block on his flames.

* * *

In his fifth life, he decided to keep the future to himself, and made sure not to trust blindly. He was a moron. They had left him to fight murderer after murderer in his first life and he actually expected them to help in a sensible way?

He built an information network and as it spread like wildfire, he easily obtained the dying will pills once more. He sent teams of highly trained operatives to deal with his plans and somewhere along the way started his own mafia famiglia. He met Nono to discuss an alliance and it lasted for years until the Vindice appeared out of nowhere and executed him in front of his horrified Guardians.

Fucking Daemon.

* * *

In his sixth life he said fuck everything and took a vacation in the Caribbean.

* * *

In his seventh, after an incredibly peaceful life by the sea despite being drowned by an assassin not even a year later, he figured it would be best if he didn't enter the mafia at all. He told his mum about the newest school exchange program and took off to Italy.

There, he bought an apartment and settled down at a new school to wait. He snatched a box of pills from Vongola and foiled one of the assassination attempts on the oldest of Timoteo's sons but hated himself when the two younger ones got taken out almost simultaneously.

That's fine, Tsuna thought, I'll just follow Enrico and protect him until he finally gets Guardians.

It didn't take long – the training was sped up and Enrico soon collected a full set of protectors. Tsuna declared his job well done and hopped on a flight back home to his mum.

He turned thirteen and sighed in relief when no Reborn arrived, continuing with his first normal middle school life. He got halfway through the year and cursed himself for not keeping an eye on the mafia regardless. When he was at school that day, Enrico's hired hitman struck, simply taking out the competition for the Vongola line.

When Tsuna got home, his mum was dead.

Tsuna killed Enrico, killed the Guardians following that piece of shit, killed Timoteo, killed everyone with in a  _fifty kilometre radius_ of the Vongola base, and finally killed himself.

* * *

It's his eighth life and he spent the entire thing attached to his mother like a barnacle, except for when he sabotaged Iemitsu and made him retire early. His mum was happy, his dad became happy, and Tsuna was the happiest of all.

It was perfect.

He even made friends with his Guardians again, having 'mysteriously' called over the non-Japanese ones thanks to Iemitsu's lingering power.

Reborn stares in horror at the still form on the sidewalk. It's impossible for the bullet not to work - everyone has regrets.

Well, apparently Sawada Tsunayoshi didn't.

* * *

His ninth was when he decided to try following the script again. He got past the first meeting with Reborn, gleefully ripped out Mochida's hair and faced off against Hayato before talking Takeshi down and smacking Kyoya with a slipper.

Interspersed within, he met his little siblings again and was rather disappointed when Mukuro showed, because despite the friendship they have (had) Tsuna knew that this was when things got serious.

Unfortunately, right at the end with Mukuro defeated, the Vindice showed up and Tsuna kind of flashed back to Mukuro floating so still in that godforsaken tank, and he challenged them.

Just a bit. A tiny, itty-bitty bit.

* * *

His tenth life started out with him hunting down the Estraneo and burning them all alive. He didn't even have his flames unblocked, and it was barely a day since he woke up, but Tsuna could hit Mach 5 when he had the proper motivation.

Tsuna didn't smile at the slaughter but he couldn't bring himself to feel any regret. The children that stood around him assured that, their little bodies broken, bruised and bloody. If this life wasn't the one, Tsuna promised to himself that he would do it again.

He lost a few kids before the Vongola back up got there from his phone call, a few escaping to forge ahead on their own instead of being inducted to yet another Mafia famiglia. He let them go, but first pushed handfuls of cash into their arms and wished them luck.

He watched Mukuro closely as they waited, wondering how to bring up Chrome, but a mafia famiglia arrived then.

It wasn't the Vongola.

* * *

For his eleventh, he entered better prepared. He actually got the pills from the black market, for one. He entered the lottery under different names and poured all of the winnings into fast forwarding the building of an orphanage in the land he bought on the outskirts of Namimori.

Kyouya met him there one day as Tsuna oversaw the production. The brunet told the Carnivore about the mafia and Estraneo and his past lives, because his Guardian was nothing like the negligent authority figures.

Kyoya didn't believe him, not fully, but the boy was plenty willing to find out if Tsuna was lying. They head for Italy within the week and the Estraneo never saw it coming.

Kyoya pet him on the head when all was said and done and Tsuna melted under the quiet praise.

Tsuna gave the kids a few options, but most ended up flying back to Namimori with him and they settle… not well, but better than Tsuna expected for having lived under the ruthless Estraneo famiglia.

Tsuna snatched up Hayato as the boy wandered the streets after having run away from his dad, at the same time picking up Lambo. He visited Takesushi every day until Takeshi gave up and counted him as a friend, and joined Ryohei's boxing club (who was ecstatic and a surprisingly good instructor).

Tsuna had no idea when Chrome showed up but Mukuro snickered and whatever, Tsuna was going to find her eventually, this just saved time.

He got his mum in on it, and the woman fell in love with the kids, actually moving into the mansion-like-orphanage. Kyoko dropped by and where she was, Hana was, then Haru wandered in and Fuuta (very much early) followed.

Byakuran stopped by after his Japanese friend Soichi called him over, and Tsuna cackled to himself when he stole away with Enma over his shoulder as the boy's family chased him. Spanner wandered in one day and simply didn't leave, and Fran had apparently been there for a while(?). Tsuna felt like he didn't even have to try anymore.

Steadily but surely Tsuna gathered his family close and held on with a frighteningly, borderline obsessive desperation.

None of them minded.

When Reborn arrived it was to an army of flame active kids and the takeover of Vongola was incredibly smooth. After all, he was only slipping into his previous position.

He was killed at seventy-two protecting his grandchild.

* * *

It was his twelfth life that he woke up with tears in his eyes. He loved his life and loved his family and his little adorable kids and he wasn't going to give that up.

He got the pills, built the house, took Kyoya with him, burnt Estraneo, took the kids back, snapped up his family and died of old age, surrounded by his loved ones.

* * *

He couldn't bring himself to get out of bed for a month.

He built the house, spoke with Kyoya, rescued the kids, collected his guardians, took over Vongola…

* * *

It took three months to leave the house this time.

There was the house, Estraneo, his family, then the Vongola.

* * *

He was often in and out of the hospital, his mum fluttering at the edges of his vision, not knowing how to help her son, not knowing why the boy refused to eat.

House, Estraneo, family, Vongola.

* * *

Estraneo, family, Vongola.

* * *

Estraneo, family.

* * *

Family.

* * *

Family.

* * *

Family.

* * *

He lay there, a preteen again with the after images of blood on his hands as he held Hayato's wounds closed.

Well, he thought shakily to himself, this isn't working. So he tried a different way.

* * *

And then another.

* * *

And another.

* * *

Another.

* * *

Tsuna couldn't bring himself to stop, because he got so close, he had everything he could ever have wanted, and then he starts over with nothing, with only enemies or strangers who look at him with distrust and suspicion, but Tsuna  _couldn't stop._

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

He woke up one reset and finally realised that he didn't want his family anymore. It came as a surprise to him, the shock pushing back the fog of depression that wanted to settle in his mind.

It was a shock but not unexpected. He's had them - had the perfect life in so many ways, so many times. His eyes slid shut. He just wanted to stop looping. Wanted everything to stop.

He drifted...

* * *

And woke up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you spot the moment I gave up writing this? I was like 'yeah, I can manage a hundred lives'.
> 
> I can't.


	7. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impressions count, especially when meeting your box animal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Background: All of them are around ten years later, so everyone is an adult except for Lambo.

A demon of fire roars and lurches up to the high ceiling of the training room, lashing out whips of fire that leave black streaks where it connects with the walls, burning concrete and metal that take the heavy hits and shudder.

Tsuna gapes up at his box weapon and the rest of his Guardians do as well. Tsuna knows he has to control it and therefore needs to fight the animal, but he really doesn't feel like dying right this moment.

Kyouya rushes past, an eager smirk on his face and tonfas already spiked. He gets three steps and quite a few Guardians tackle him.

"This is Juudaime's!" Hayato snaps, struggling to pin the man's hips down.

"This isn't its proper form," Mukuro says casually, vines wrapping themselves around the Cloud's legs. "So no, you don't get to keep the pretty fire."

"Actually," Tsuna begins. "I wouldn't mind at all if Kyouya-hieee!" He throws himself to the ground, narrowly missing the bullets.

Leon turns back into a lizard from his gun form and crawls up Reborn's arm to the fedora. "This is your box animal, Dame-Tsuna," the man drawls. "You can deal with it yourself."

* * *

A tiny cat pops out and glares up at Hayato with disgust in its eyes.

"Ugh, I hate cats," Hayato grumbles, sneering at the creature. "And why the hell do you have polka dots?"

The kitten abruptly shifts into a fully grown leopard, catches on fire, and launches itself at Hayato's face.

* * *

"Oh, wow, I have two!" Takeshi laughs happily.

"Which one do you think has his hitman side?" Tsuna whispers to Chrome.

The dog yips cheerfully and flops onto it back, wriggling in delight when Takeshi drops to his knees and scratches its stomach. The bird sits, prim and proper on a chair back as it surveys the room with an intensity that should not belong to an animal.

"Of course it's the bird," Lambo mutters.

"Wonderful," Hayato says sarcastically. "Now we have two murderous birds to look after."

A tonfa is thrown at Hayato.

* * *

Ryohei is so ecstatic he actually says nothing for a full minute, just gazing at his box animal with joy.

"Why does it come with boxing gloves?" Tsuna wonders.

"Why does yours have a hat?" Takeshi contests.

"Touché."

* * *

Lambo stares at the massive beast towering over him and then looks to the rest, incredulous.

"Think of it this way," Mukuro begins helpfully. "If you ever get hungry-"

Chrome elbows him to shut up and smiles at Lambo. "I think you'll be great friends."

"It's fitting," Hayato mutters. "Since you're like a bull in a china shop."

"You can be a matador!" Takeshi snickers. "I'll get you a red cape."

"I don't- I don't know what the scientists were smoking," Tsuna admits with a shrug. "At least yours came assembled properly, unlike mine."

"That's so extreme, we need to have bull riding competitions," Ryohei plans with an eager glint to his eyes.

"It's better than the bronco's pony," Kyouya admits.

* * *

"Oh gosh it's so fluffy," Chrome whispers as she strokes the chest of the regal looking snowy owl.

The owl opens its eyes to reveal the left one is red and glowing with an indigo flame. Its head rotates a full one hundred and eighty degrees to stare at the other Guardians and it chuckles with a soft, menacing 'kufufufu'.

"No," Tsuna deadpans. "I'm not okay with that."

Takeshi's smile strains as the bird tilts its head completely upside down.

"I'll get an exorcist," Lambo volunteers.

"I'll get the flamethrower," Ryohei says.

"Why is it always the birds?" Hayato bemoans with a sigh.

A tonfa is thrown at Hayato.

* * *

In a world such as the mafia, it's imperative to see the signs of trouble, whether that be the glint of sunlight off a sniper's gun barrel, or someone who's having a hard time coping. Tsuna's hyper intuition helps immensely in these cases, and right now it has come to Tsuna's attention that his Guardians personify the five stages of grief and loss.

The first stage is a double of denial and isolation which is Takeshi and Mukuro respectively. Then comes anger which is seen in Hayato, and the third is bargaining in Lambo. The fourth stage of depression seems to be Tsuna's to fill in while Ryohei has the easiest time with the final stage of acceptance.

The grief itself comes in the form of a Japanese male by the name of Hibari Kyouya.

Takeshi chuckles, having reverted back to middle school mentality. "Maa, maa, what a fun game we're playing."

Mukuro inches backwards, dragging Chrome with him.

"Stop!" Hayato barks, clutching unlit dynamite. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

"H-hey, do you want some grape candy?" Lambo stutters. "Or maybe a nice nap?"

"Why even bother?" Tsuna mutters. "Nothing matters anymore."

"Extreme!" Ryohei cries, looking enthusiastic and raring to go.

Kyouya raises an eyebrow at them, a newly perfected 'rolling spiked ball of death and destruction' hovering happily beside him, spinning so fast the silver needles make solid streaks of colour against the dark purple shell.

* * *

_Five hours later_

"Hey," Takeshi begins slowly, words partly slurred from the medication he was drugged up to the eyeballs with to stop the excruciating pain.

Tsuna lets out a groan and shifts the arm without the cast on it. Hayato huffs through the nose, his jaw currently held still by bandages. Lambo, currently unconscious, makes small whimpering sounds.

"If the animals have our personality," Takeshi mumbles. "Why is Roll so shy?"

Mukuro just stares at the opposite wall from his hospital bed, his mind picking apart that sentence. Ryohei then bursts into hysterical giggles, his eyes unfocused from the drugs.

They all unanimously agree to never bring up the topic again.


	8. Do you see fire?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The True Humans arrive on earth, bringing with them an armada and all the powers of the rings tenfold. It seems hopeless, stupid even, to fight such beings. 
> 
> (No one ever accused Tsuna of being intelligent.)

The tension was a physical presence. It pushed and pressed, surrounding the occupants of the large meeting room, making every motion and shift in expression a grand gesture.

Vongola, always the centre of any trouble since the Decimo stepped up to the helm, and their allies were gathered in an almost protective huddle on one side, the long oak table an invisible line they were hesitant to cross.

The wariness was blatant when you stepped back and saw the uneven spacing. Three entities facing off against more than thirty adults who seemed more like a group than ever.

That factor, the assumption of being a group, pissed them off more than anything. Vongola, Millefiori, Shimon, Arcobaleno, Varia. They were fine with being labelled as part of an organisation, but they were  _individuals_  – stronger apart than when they bothered to work together.

It was shameful, Byakuran's pride hissed to him. Mukuro tried for an unnerving smirk but it was wooden and unnatural on his face, disappearing entirely when the three beings opposite showed no sign of even noticing. Reborn didn't shift a muscle from his position leaning against the wall closest to the strangers – a first line of defence.

They held themselves with dignity, the three presences, even when dressed so pretentiously in pure white robes and more jewellery than what was logical or comfortable. Two men and one woman had shown up not an hour before, slipping into existence during an 'annual meeting' that was a half-hearted cover for Enma's twenty-first birthday.

Poor Enma, Tsuna thinks, glancing to his friend on the edge of Dying Will Mode. He flickered a look around the room to observe the tense figures taking in the offer from the three strangers.

Hayato ran his tongue along his teeth, willing to snap a retort back at the ridiculous offer, but unwilling to start hostilities with…True Humans. Fon breathed calmly, when inwardly his body was coiled tight in preparation to defend his friends from Kawahira's kin. Squalo tilts his head, habit ingrained from years in Xanxus' service, but no glass bottle was hurled past him at the intruders. It spoke volumes of how seriously Xanxus was taking the threat.

"It's pointless to fight back." The room flinches backwards at the broken silence. Reina, the woman who seemed to be the leader, spoke up again. "We are the true rulers, so we  _will_  take our rightful place at the top of this world. It isn't failure for you to step down and hand over your rings – simply correcting nature."

There is no sign Kyouya even registered the words, his eyes glazed over from too much rage and his body still from how tensed he was. The second he snapped back to reality, he would shoot forwards, aiming straight for the jugular.

"You don't honestly expect us to roll over just because you asked us to," Dino rejects in a soft voice from where he was standing in front of Romario protectively. "Where is Kawahira? We want to talk to him."

"You have no say, creature." One of the men, Himura, dismisses Dino casually. "We are speaking to the ones who have greedily stolen our comrades' power and distorted it into this travesty." Himura gestures at Tsuna specifically like he was simply claiming a fact, and responding growls come from a few different points in the room.

"I'd appreciate it if you at least pretended to be mature," Tsuna says in the same matter-of-fact tone as Himura did. "No need to go out of your way to prove my first impression correct."

Reina takes a step forward in an unmistakeable threat as Himura and the other one, Markus, tuck their hands behind their backs, reaching for unidentified weapons.

The allied half of the room shift to compensate – the faster ones leaning forward and the longer range people shifting back. The tension was deafening but Tsuna abruptly starts chuckling, throwing everyone off.

"My apologies," Tsuna offers half-heartedly with a cheeky grin. "I don't know what came over me." The good humour slid off his frame in increments -first it was the eyes that were left cold, and then the smile that left his face blank, before finally his entire frame adjusts like the amusement had been weighing him down- leaving the Decimo of the largest powerhouse in the underworld. "It must be because a couple of condescending strangers waltzed into my home and expected to take over the world because they  _demanded it_."

Tsuna continued, steamrolling the protest from Himura and the wordless hiss from Markus. "It's almost like you think a few insults would work instead of an army." He gestures at the large platform-esque ship, only a distant shadow in space. "And when you claim an army, you conveniently forget that humans out number you a million to one – and that's not including everyone in this room, who are more than an even match for your flames."

"You think you stand a chance-!" Reina spits out in rage.

Tsuna waves her off. "Sure, you flaunt your powers of instant divination and parallel world hopping, but then you come crawling to us and beg for our rings."

Markus splutters in outrage, drowned out by the laughter coming from Tsuna's friends.

"I'm getting mixed signals here-"

"Japan," Reina interrupts. "Namimori." The tension is back now, stronger than ever for Tsuna. "In a quaint little house with a 'Sawada' name plate…" Reina smiles when it's clear she has the upper hand. "Nana Sawada is a lovely woman and very easy to reach through flames."

"Don't you dare try," Tsuna breathes out, suddenly a lot less confident in the power his friends weild, and a lot more aware of his meagre twenty years.

"We know everything," Himura says with a supressed flourish as if he was trying to control himself from laughing outright. "Every reaction, every choice, every weakness. It really is that simple. You shocked us at first when you picked the stupidest route offered to you but we now know every choice that could spawn from here."

Tsuna's mind is already running across all of the plans and methods for combating a threat and comes up with nothing that would win against their power. He had been thinking that their power was something along the lines of Byakuran's search limitation where he needed time and Yuni's control limitation where she could only see one possible future. From the reactions of his friends, their assumption had been the same.

Think, Tsuna. He berates himself for that display of anger earlier, but he was hardly going to say nothing when they insulted Dino like that. He sees the three close their eyes for the briefest second and when they open them, it's a muted confusion that leaks through. Tsuna is left with a moment to contemplate it before his vision is covered in strange coloured smoke.

* * *

"Broke the bazooka, again," the man says not at all apologetically. His outrageously fluffy hair covers his eyes partway and his clothes look like he was just lounging around the house; with a plain T-shirt, jeans that dragged on the floor and cat-print socks. He stretches his arms over his head and lets out a jaw breaking yawn before he strolled forwards to the table that split the room. His half of the room was too thrown off to advance with him.

"The ten year bazooka," Reina says quietly, watching the man closely as he pulls out a chair and folds his tall body into it cross-legged.

"Yep." Tsunayoshi tilts his head to the side, the mop of hair flopping to one side with the motion. "You are…" His face scrunches lightly with confusion which immediately relaxes the humans in the room.

Kikyo had already been thinking about the presence of resistance fighters in the future.

"We are True Humans," Himura declares.

"Oh." Tsuna slumps back into the chair. "I remember now. You suddenly disappeared after I came back… damn it," he sighs. "I have to get rid of you, don't I?"

"Your arrogance has only grown in ten years, hasn't it?" Himura sneers. "I suppose we let you live, then?"

Reina, unlike her partner, was concerned about the man's existence. The plan was to take the rings and erase all knowledge of flames, which meant users of flames as well. Not to mention the man wasn't faking his calm – they truly weren't considered a threat to him.

"Tell me," the brown haired man drawls.

Himura huffs at how Tsunayoshi blatantly ignores him.

"In the future… do you see fire?" Tsunayoshi asks slowly, orange hued eyes gazing through her.

_A blurred image of Tsunayoshi rises to his feet and makes his way around the table, the original still slumped calmly. Another Tsunayoshi emerges from the one sitting, stepping onto his chair –through the first- and onto the table. Yet another throws back the chair and launches himself forward._

Reina blinks and the present snaps back, only one Tsunayoshi left over. Markus shifts and narrows his eyes at what he viewed as dozens of threatening grins emerging from the room full of faded Tsunayoshis. Reina observed as Tsunayoshi focused on Markus, catching the minute flinch from her companion at the same time.

" _No matter," Himura waved his own question off. "Now, about your mother-" He chokes, staring wide-eyed at the human that was suddenly so close with a hand around his neck-_

She straightens and breaths deeply, struggling not to fall into a trance. It was a defence mechanism to automatically keep track of future event that might be a threat; like a flinch if something comes too close to your face. One future laid over the present is what she was used to. This many…was impossible – or at least highly improbable.

" _Hand over the rings and we won't-" Himura was falling to the floor, blood already gushing from the head wound, and that man was still sitting there, smiling-_

How was he able to have so many copies of himself? Reina blinks away yet another future and summons a hint of mist flames to fortify her mind and keep them away. These doppelgängers only show the most certain future. This man must be entirely focused on each and every action that Reina was seeing him do.

_The man was behind Markus, face blank as he slipped his hand out from Markus' back-_

Reina shook off the split second of trance. It was getting ridiculous now – how many Tsunayoshis were in the room?

_Blood splattered her face as Himura's throat was cut-_

_Their ship was falling out of the sky and that man stood there looking disappointed in them-_

_Lal wasn't breathing after Markus' attack and Tsunayoshi took a deep breath before he blurred with how fast-_

_A well placed kick to her knee took out her balance and all that he had to do was step down on her neck-_

_Markus screamed as the fire ate right through the lightning-hardened material-_

_Himura flew backwards, right through the window and into a pool of fire-_

_She scrambled back from the bright orange, pulsing so happily as it feasted on Himura's flesh-_

_Markus shrivelled and collapsed as his insides melted-_

_White hot fire slid down her throat-_

"Tell me," the man began calmly, still slumped in his chair, not having moved a muscle.

Reina snapped back to the present in an instant, hands flying up to her throat. Beside her, Markus and Himura were gasping for breath and running shaking hands over particularly painful memories of wounds.

"Do you see  _fire_?"

_He was smiling as the fire played at his fingertips-_


	9. Odd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mukuro kind of attracts weird things. Maybe it's the Mist flames or the test subject stint or something like coincidence. All Tsuna knows is that it creates some rather odd situations.

"Thank you," Tsuna says politely to the staff member that just lead him and his Guardians to an empty waiting room.

The staff bows and leaves. Tsuna takes a deep breath and tries to prepare himself for this meeting. It's his first one without Reborn next to him and he's getting horribly nervous. What if he forgets something and then the other Don realises how no-good he is?

Tsuna puffs out his cheeks and straightens his back. He then forcefully relaxes his body and turns around.

Lambo, Mukuro and Ryohei all freeze as if that will let them blend into their surroundings and make Tsuna overlook the fact that the candy bowl set out on the table is almost empty and chocolate wrappers litter the floor.

"Why do you do this to me?" Tsuna whines. "We're having a meeting in a possible enemy famiglia and you just eat the candy they put out? You know that could be poisoned, right?"

Mukuro's eyes roll back in his head and he crumples to the floor, blood seeping out of his mouth and nose. Lambo chokes and grasps his throat. Ryohei starts hacking and coughing, the man's entire body shaking with the effort.

Hayato sighs heavily and just feels thankful that Takeshi isn't here to join in. "If you're going to fake being poisoned by the same food, please use the same symptoms."

Lambo and Ryohei abruptly drop to the ground next to Mukuro and the three of them don't move.

"I miss Reborn," Tsuna mutters.

The puddle of blood under Mukuro slowly grows larger.

* * *

"Would you like some?" Mukuro asks as he takes a seat on the edge of the desk and holds out a drink.

"Sure," Tsuna mutters, his eyes focused on the paperwork in front of him. He takes it and sips, immediately jerking back in disgust and spiting it out into the bin under his desk.

Mukuro takes the glass before Tsuna drops it, the Decimo now hugging the plastic bin to his chest as he dry heaves.

"Admittedly, the taste of blood is a bit strong," Mukuro says, sipping at the drink. "I call it 'That Time Of The Month'."

Tsuna shudders as both his body and mind protest.  _It's just Mist flames_ , he tells himself.  _Mukuro is playing with you because he's bored and Kyouya is back in Namimori._

"You sure you don't want anymore?" Mukuro coaxes. "The chunks are the best part."

Tsuna gags and finally can't stop himself from throwing up.

* * *

"Nice talking to you again," the other Don says happily, her face lighting up with a smile. "We should get together sometime."

"Maybe we'll run into each other at the park again," Tsuna laughs, gesturing to his Guardians playing soccer on the field behind him.

The other Don's Guardians have also joined in, but despite the addition of four more people to the team and only two on the other, Reborn and Kyouya are still destroying them all.

Now that Tsuna thinks about it, it was probably a bad idea to ever have those two working together. Thankfully, no one is dead. Yet.

The other Don giggles. "My Guardians certainly seem to like it." She furrows her brow, looking like she's trying to remember something. "Actually, there's a huge Christmas party at the church near here. We could-"

"No," Tsuna says instantly and then tries to sheepishly wave off the rude interruption. "Thank you very much for the invite, but Mukuro and Reborn aren't allowed on holy grounds."

She stares in confusion.

"Well," Tsuna begins with a little laugh. "It's silly, really. Mukuro kind of bursts into flames -like real flames- and Reborn feels faint if he stays there too long." Tsuna shrugs with a 'what can you do?' kind of expression. "And that's not counting Kyouya, who giggles whenever someone references Jesus dying."

The other Don crosses herself.

"Yeah," Tsuna says slowly. "So, thanks but we'll have to decline."

Tsuna never sees her again, but that's pretty much expected.

* * *

Tsuna recoils in horror and staggers back across the empty meeting room. "What - is that a hairball?!"

Hayato looks over in curiosity. "Wow, did Mukuro hack that up?"

"I'm not a cat," Mukuro hisses, not exactly backing up his claim. "Besides, how do you know it's mine?"

"It's purple, so it can only belong to two people, and Chrome doesn't leave hairballs around the place," Tsuna deadpans.

Hayato scowls. "Just clean up after yoursel-"

Hayato gets cut off when the hairball launches itself at his face, growing from a finger nail to a fist sized monster that latches onto the Storm's head with strands like steel.

Mukuro watches in interest as Tsuna tries to detach the beast from Hayato's face and the Storm runs around, his screams muffled as he pulls at the hair.

"I told you it wasn't my hair," Mukuro says smugly.

Tsuna swings a dictionary at Hayato's face, slamming him off his feet but also crushing the beast and making it let go. It hits the ground a second after Hayato crumples and scuttles to the wall, puncturing it with its hair-limbs to climb up and soon escapes into the ceiling vent.

"See, my hair is far silkier than that," Mukuro explains.

Hayato gags and rolls onto his side, spitting out a wad of hair that only half comes out of his mouth. It hangs there covered in spit before he grabs it and pulls the rest of the hair out. Tsuna dry heaves at the sight and staggers sideways until he can lean against the wall.

The two men take a moment to breathe.

"Also more shiny," Mukuro lectures. "That hair is dull and does not look healthy at all."

Hayato just curls into himself and shivers.

* * *

Shoichi eyes Spanner warily. "What are you doing?"

"Testing something," the blond says simply, hiding a set of rosary beads in his pocket. "So when do you think they'll get here?"

Shoichi sighs. "I don't think anyone really wants to know the results."

Mukuro appears at the doorway then and takes half a step forward. He halts and slides a glance down to Spanner's pocket where the beads are. He then turns around and holds out a hand to stop Reborn from entering. The hitman's eyes flicker over to Spanner as well, landing easily on the pocket without any prompting or hints. They both walk away without a word.

Shoichi and Spanner don't move for a very long time.

"That was a fluke," Spanner whispers.

"They're messing with us," Shoichi says in a wavering voice, just as quiet at Spanner. "They like mind games."


	10. Parenting (you're doing it wrong)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to pick the next generation of Vongola Guardians. Tsuna goes about it in a way that even Reborn will be proud of.

"Listen," Tsuna hums, looking in between his three children and then over the assembled mass of other kids that belong to his Guardians. "Um, I know that you're all adults now, and I should probably pick an eleventh Vongola boss…"

"Dad," Tsuna's oldest sighs. "Are you seriously telling me you still can't pick?"

"Hey now," Tsuna begins, straightening up and trying to look like he knows what he's doing. "There are a lot of you, okay? You guys can make, like, four sets. This is a difficult decision."

His middle child elbows the first and smiles sweetly up at Tsuna. "That's fine, dad, we know it's hard. What did you have in mind so far?"

Tsuna grins back. "I was thinking that maybe we'd put you in a room and you can decide amongst yourselves." His grin becomes rather jagged. "But that would be too easy."

"Be nice, kids," Mukuro chuckles. "We'll see you on the other side."

A wave of Mist flames shrouds the younger generation and they come back to awareness in an empty training room, everything almost pitch black except for a beam of sunlight that comes through a small window and hits the floor at the centre of the room.

The Mists start to conjure brightness but the darkness doesn't dissipate, clearly under Mukuro's control. One of Takeshi's tries to summon Rain flames instead but that doesn't work either.

"They're not mad at us, are they?" Hayato's girl asks but only gets a shrug from her brother.

The occupants of the room glance around and at each other, uncertain if they want to step into the darkness. Kyouya's children move first and the rest follow like baby ducklings, staying close as they search the walls in the darkness, trying to find a door.

"What are we going to do?" Chrome's youngest wonders. "Did Tsuna really mean to talk it out and that last part was just to scare us?"

The lights flicker on and everyone's attention is drawn to one of the walls, right where a Cloud Guardian casually leans, his hands tucked away in his pockets.

"Oh  _fuck_ ," Lambo's oldest squeaks out.

* * *

"I feel kind of bad," Takeshi admits with a sheepish smile.

The tenth generation are still standing in the meeting room, watching the TV set up on a wall. On the screen, some of their children struggle to team up against Kyouya, while the rest fully acknowledge the hopelessness of that plan and are desperately trying to break down the walls.

One of Ryohei's girls punches through the concrete wall finally but stifles a sob when she encounters a lattice of steel bars that glow a faint violet.

"They'll be fine," Hayato dismisses. "Kyouya won't hurt them too badly. Maybe."

" _Daddy!_ " Tsuna's youngest shrieks. "I don't want to be a mafia boss!"

Mukuro abruptly yanks them out and deposits them in the same room as the tenth generation. The poor traumatised adult promptly launches themselves at Tsuna for a reassuring hug.

One of Mukuro's sees the teleportation and screams out their surrender as well, getting transported only miliseconds from being struck by Kyouya's tonfa.

Chrome's oldest splutters. "This is sick!" they cry. "Are you seriously determining the next generation by a game of last man standing?!"

Tsuna's youngest pulls away from the hug slightly to glare at his dad.

Tsuna only shrugs. "Look, I had to go through Mukuro, and Xanxus, and I'm  _still_  dealing with  _Reborn_ , plus you don't even want to know about Byakuran. This is really the nicest way of passing down the Vongola."

Chrome winces when her son gets picked up and thrown at Kyouya. "My children are not projectiles," she sighs.

"It's down to two Lightnings," Lambo murmurs. "Aaaaand yep, okay, my oldest daughter is the new Guardian."

Mukuro chuckles, his eyes on the screen. "He's going for his kids now."

A garbled mess of swears in Japanese, Italian and Mandarin explode from the speakers as Kyouya's children scatter in an attempt at shaking off their parent.


	11. Vignettes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short moments in the life of the Vongola. (Including threats, Reborn and aviaries.)

It was a feral, out of control monster that tore through the forest clearing, ripping gouges into the earth and crushing thick trees in its way. Tsuna should be terrified, standing by himself, the only thing between the beast and civilians of Namimori. He should be screaming for help or running as fast as he can, as far as he can.

However, Tsuna has been exposed to Kyouya on a bad day, Mukuro on a good day, Reborn  _every day_ , and Xanxus - just all that is Xanxus.

Tsuna is really more exasperated than anything.

* * *

Mukuro, age thirty-four, wakes up in a test tube.

It's not expected, but it's also not as strange as it should rightly be considering his time spent with the Estraneo, the Vindice, and that one blind date.

* * *

"Bianchi, no offence, but get the fuck away from me with that thing."

* * *

Ryohei roars, clenching his fists as the yellow of his flames explode around him, almost turning his white hair a bright blond.

"Is… is he a Super Saiyan?" Hayato asks, glancing around at the rest.

Mukuro just stares in confusion but Takeshi bursts into laughter, right alongside Tsuna. Even Reborn coughs out something like a suppressed chuckle.

* * *

Tsuna drops to the ground and cuts his flames off, the other mafia boss still sprawled in a crater and gasping in pain from being slammed into the floor.

"You know about the Estraneo, I'm sure?" Tsuna says suddenly.

The Don of the Scudo famiglia winces, because everyone knows about the Estraneo, and tries to push himself up from the ground on shaky limbs.

"Yeah, that was my Mist before he hit puberty," Tsuna admits with pride. "And you know the Rovinare famiglia?"

The other boss doesn't answer, slowly getting to his feet, pushing through the pain.

"No, of course not," Tsuna chuckles. "Because that was my Cloud and he is very thorough."

The Scudo familgia boss suddenly lunges, a knife appearing in his hand and arcing for Tsuna's throat. A flare of orange and the knife is buried hilt deep in the other Don's shoulder and the man is crumpling to the floor again.

Tsuna smirks, leaning forward over the prone figure. "And when the next upstart boss swaggers on in and thinks they have a snowball's chance in hell at taking down the Vongola, I'm going to ask them; you know the Scudo famiglia?  _That was me_."

* * *

Hayato is actually a mild kleptomaniac so occasionally he'll find guns or wallets or small, banal items mixed in with his dynamite supply.

It's only when he finds tonfa one day that it becomes a life-threatening problem.

* * *

Tsuna is in a jumper and comfortable jeans, because no Reborn, he's not ruining a suit that cost five figures.

"It'll be fun," Reborn coaxes.

"I think you're lying to me," Tsuna responds wearily.

While Reborn isn't technically his tutor anymore, they both have a hard time differentiating their odd relationship from professional life.

Reborn will keep complete control in front of strangers and acquaintances but when it's just Tsuna and his rather eclectic group of friends/enemies, Reborn will expect the poor Decimo to put up with surprise training exercises and bullets and cosplay.

That's not to say Tsuna isn't similar, because in front of others he'll play the hard-hearted boss but when comfortable it's not rare to hear a squeak of alarm or to see him look to Reborn for guidance.

It's understandable considering they've been in each other's company on and off for about ten years now, but sometimes Reborn seems to forget that Tsuna is a mafia boss and can actually say no to the hitman's insane ideas.

"I promise," Reborn lies.

Tsuna can say no, but sometimes he forgets that as well.

* * *

"He makes more money than you."

Mammon snaps to attention, abruptly standing violently enough that the chair is thrown to the floor. "The fuck he does," Mammon snarls.

They grab Xanxus's wine bottle by the neck, leaving the Varia boss to blink at his empty hand, and smashes the base against the table's edge. It shatters loudly and the wine splashes to the floor. The part Mammon still holds now has jagged and sharp edges, which glint dangerously under the fluorescent lighting as Mammon advances on the target.

* * *

The tenth generation guardians settle into beanbags and comfortable couches. Lambo flicks off the lights and Hayato fiddles with the TV remote, ready to press play on the 'home movie' that's actually just a bunch of security footage stuck together.

"Hey," Mukuro calls out, raising his glass to catch everyone's attention. "Every time you see tonfas, you take a drink," he proposes.

(Okay, look, the short answer is that they get alcohol poisoning.)

* * *

Reborn is just a bit too lenient with regards to boundaries, Tsuna thinks. Things like laws and morals and personal space. But that's okay, because Tsuna loves Reborn no matter what, so it's a good kind of bad.

* * *

"That's the aviary," Tsuna says as he gestures to a completely glass room at the top of the Vongola mansion.

The other boss he's guiding around nods in interest, seeing lots of colourful plants through the glass walls. "What kind of birds do you have?"

Tsuna makes a strange face. "There's only one I own," he says slowly. "It's a skylark."

The other boss jolts in shock when a body slams into the wall, shaking the structure but not breaking the bullet proof glass. It falls away, leaving only a large splatter of red where it impacted. A dark blur falls onto the body and drags it away from view.

"Must be feeding time," Tsuna mutters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's your favourite part?
> 
> (I like the Bianchi one, number 3, but I don't know why.)


	12. Pregnancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chrome returns from her holiday with a surprise. It is… very much a surprise.

"Xanxus," Tsuna begins. "I appreciate you coming all the way over here to tell me about the…" he trails off, looking uncomfortable.

"Slip-and-slide?" Hayato offers up.

"-the atrocious amount of blood outside the Varia headquarters," Tsuna finishes with. "But I would also like to point out that you are officially independent and I don't want to deal with your brand of crazy when I already have Mukuro and Kyouya."

Xanxus hums, currently seated in what should be Tsuna's chair with his feet up on the Decimo's desk. He takes a sip of wine and seems to have no intention to move at all.

Tsuna sighs and plants his hands on the desk before leaning over it. "Xanxus, I'm not sure if you noticed, but Chrome is coming back after disappearing for far too long. I'm not saying you have to leave, but you have to leave."

The Guardians hanging around the room (everyone but Mukuro and Kyouya, which is the only reason Tsuna was comfortable calling the two crazy) are watching the byplay with amusement, occasionally stealing the snacks put out or fiddling with the decorations, most of which are declaring 'welcome home' in sparkly letters.

Xanxus raises an eyebrow in challenge and Tsuna is so close to calling up Squalo and making the silver haired man deal with it, but the door opens before he can decide on a course of action.

"I'm back," Chrome says happily as she steps into the room, a startled looking Mukuro following blindly behind.

Lambo turns to say 'welcome back' and get a hug but jolts back in terror when he sees her, tripping over a chair behind him and tumbling to the floor with the wooden furniture.

"Chrome," Ryohei says cautiously, raising both hands in defence. "I don't want to extremely alarm you, but you are extremely fat."

The entire room gets an annoyed expression from her and she (almost in a threatening manner) places her hands on her large abdomen.

"She's pregnant," Mukuro says in little more than a whisper.

"But she was gone for two months," Hayato blurts out. "How is she  _that pregnant_  in two months? I mean it's just excessive."

"What do you have stashed in there?" Takeshi asks in confusion. "Octuplets? A baby elephant? A grown man?!"

Xanxus narrows his eyes in consideration and drops his feet from the table so he can sit up properly. "How much are you asking for?"

Chrome raises an eyebrow.

"My wife wants a child," Xanxus explains simply. "I figure buying one is a lot less troublesome."

"You have a wife?" Lambo squeaks out, unable to take one shock after the other. "We are horrible at communication."

"I have a Lussuria," Xanxus deadpans.

"I know what you mean," Tsuna chimes in. "I have a Reborn. It's always 'heir this' and 'heir that', but it's not like I'm going to die soon so there's no need to push the issue-" Tsuna stops and his eyes widen.

"Is something wrong?" Hayato asks cautiously.

"Oh my gosh," Tsuna breaths out in realisation, clutching at the edge of the desk to stay upright. "I'm going to die. I'm too much of a no-good person so Reborn's going to kill me and start over with my child!"

"Wait," Xanxus begins suspiciously. "Who are the Godparents?" He places the empty wine glass down and crosses his arms. "If one is Mukuro, then I don't want the child. It'll probably turn out to be another Fran."

Ryohei sniffles loudly and wipes away a tear. "It's so extremely beautiful. You're assuring the continuation of the puff-puff hair."

Mukuro stares, offended. "Excuse me? No one calls it the puff-puff hair!"

"They should," Takeshi chuckles. "You know, because it's all  _pschzzzzt_  and  _ommmming_  and _HHHHHHNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG_ -"

"Oh, good lord, stop," Hayato interrupts. "Those sound effects are confusing and make me want to punch you in the throat."

"He's gonna kill meeeeee," Tsuna whimpers in terror, still caught up in his imagination.

Chrome just shakes her head and waddles out of the room, planning to say a proper hello later when they've regained their sanity. She pauses in hallway outside, only just realising how unrealistic that plan is.

She turns around and slowly heads back to the room, deciding to simply get things over with. Kyouya will be showing up soon anyway, and everyone will hopefully quiet down in fear of being run through with spiked tonfas.

* * *

Kyouya stares. "If she gets one then I get one."

"That's..." Tsuna trails off. "I mean..."

"There are steps," Hayato chimes in. "Many steps that are required. Like maybe get a girlfriend first."

Kyouya raises an eyebrow. "Why would I need one of those?"

"How do you think babies are born?" Mukuro wonders.

"Well," Kyouya hums. "If a carnivore reaches a certain level, they become a legend. When the legend dies in battle, their heart is eaten by a worthy successor, who gives birth to the legend so they can live again."

(Back when the Arcobaleno first followed Fon to Namimori, they encountered a small Kyouya who asked where babies like them came from. This was the most entertaining explanation they could give.)

Lambo blinks. "What have you been sniffing and where can I get some?"

Takeshi laughs carelessly. "What are we sniffing?"

"You've already had too much," Xanxus tells the Rain frankly.

Chrome purses her lips. "I should have just stayed on vacation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make a Collector's Guide inspired joke about Fon and Reborn being Kyouya's dad and mum, but I think I like this ending better.


	13. Strawberries and Bananas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hayato soon learns the hard way that if you feed a stray they start coming back. Kyouya takes offence to being called a stray, Reborn looks amused at the title and Mukuro takes an unholy amount of delight in living up to the insult.

Hayato usually doesn't mind sitting between Kyouya and Reborn. Sure, the two are quite frankly terrifying, but Hayato doesn't exactly have a good sense of self preservation.

Hayato is currently sitting on a couch in Tsuna's office, patiently waiting for the Decimo to return from a meeting with the Chiavarone so they can both eat the strawberries Hayato has.

He turns the plastic container over in his lap and debates taking a few small bites.

However, Reborn suddenly drops down onto the couch beside Hayato, who automatically tenses because the hitman did not come through the door. As Hayato is about to ask where Reborn entered from, Kyouya strolls in and drops down onto Hayato's other side.

While usually Kyouya perches on a windowsill and Reborn stands by a wall, the couch is really comfortable, so Hayato can't fault them for sitting down next to him.

However, Hayato is rather confused at this point because while Reborn will randomly enter the Vongola despite not technically being aligned with them, normally Kyouya needs to be kidnapped from Japan. He only relaxes when he remembers the planned free-for-all in the afternoon.

Kyouya is probably going to discuss something with Tsuna, most likely complaining about the 'no fatal attacks' part of the rules. That section also includes 'no permanent maiming', 'yes, paralysis counts as maiming' and 'Kyouya, stop maiming people'.

So, Hayato doesn't particularly care that he has these two sitting with him, but he also has strawberries that he wants to eat, and that's going to be dangerous around these men.

Hayato slides glances at them both, Kyouya reading something on his phone and Reborn poking Leon in between the eyes. As Hayato watches, the chameleon on Reborn's lap finally gets annoyed and bites down on Reborn's finger. The man smirks and raises his hand, the lizard clinging determinedly even as it dangles mid-air.

Hayato takes the chance and tries to subtly take off the plastic lid of the small container in his lap, revealing bright, juicy strawberries that have been cut into bite sized pieces. He takes the toothpick he left inside in lieu of a fork and stabs a small piece, raising it to his mouth.

Hayato jerks the container up and clutches it to his chest as Kyouya abruptly flops onto his lap. Reborn follows not long after, both men staring up at Hayato with their legs hanging off the couch arms.

"No," Hayato declares.

They both open their mouths, peering up at him with innocent eyes as if Hayato would possibly fall for that.

" _No_!" Hayato says firmly. You need to be firm with people like these or they won't learn.

Hayato, for a brief moment, thinks he's won when the two close their mouths. Then he suddenly has a gun pressing into the underside of his jaw while cold metal of a tonfa rests lightly against his neck.

He didn't even see them move.

When Hayato narrows his eyes, ready to tell both to fuck off, Kyouya calmly deploys his spikes and the sharp metal scrapes along Hayato's very important carotid artery.

"Fine," Hayato grits out.

The weapons disappear in the next second and they open their mouths again.

"Why am I feeding you?" Hayato grumbles but drops a piece of strawberry into each of their mouths.

They don't sit up again until all of the fruit is gone and Hayato's legs have gone numb. The only consolation Hayato has is that at least it wasn't Mukuro.

* * *

Hayato stands by the small island of the kitchen, chopping some bananas while the melted chocolate sits to the side.

He tenses when he feels a presence behind him but it's already too late. Arms wind around his neck as the male leans heavily against Hayato's back. The taller man peers over Hayato's shoulder and hums at the thought of chocolate fondue.

"This is for Juudaime," Hayato says in annoyance and tries to shrug off the other man.

Mukuro is as touchy-feely at Takeshi, except while Takeshi does it to friends, the Mist does it to everyone and gets some sort of sadistic pleasure from making people uncomfortable.

"How rude," the interloper purrs, far too close to Hayato's ear. "We're all  _family,_  right? Why don't you share?"

Hayato narrows his eyes as long, purple hair falls over his shoulder and almost touches the cutting board holding the banana slices. How unsanitary.

"Get off me, Mukuro," Hayato snaps, holding up the knife threateningly. It promptly turns into a toy snake and flops over sadly.

Fuck Mist users. Fuck them all.

Despite Hayato's weapon being a rubber snake, he still stabs Mukuro in the hand when the man reaches for the bananas.

Blood gushes out immediately, getting over all of the fruit and coating Hayato's hand, clearly far more than what is entirely necessary considering it's both a hand that was injured and the weapon was a rubber snake.

"Are you serious right now?" Hayato cries in annoyance at his food being contaminated, spinning around and shoving Mukuro away. "Really?"

Mukuro flops his hand around and blood starts spraying out dramatically like some C-rate horror movie. "You're the one who stabbed me," Mukuro says calmly. "Just look at what you've done. I'm so injured."

He shoves his hand into Hayato's face and the poor Storm is unable to turn away fast enough, getting his face splattered in blood along with his clothes.

"Fuck off!" Hayato barks and smacks the arm away, his other hand tightening on the snake.

Mukuro's entire forearm detaches and drops to the floor as more blood starts pouring out. The rubber snake also suddenly starts wriggling and Hayato quickly drops the red-bellied black snake.

He knows it's technically Mist flames but this is a Schrödinger's cat type of situation. It could be a knife with an illusion over it or Mukuro could have used his eye to create a very real snake.

Once again: fuck Mist users.

"This is why no one likes you," Hayato hisses.

"Oya, are you forgetting my darling Chrome?" Mukuro drawls, touching his chest with his... stump in a mockery of incredulity. He doesn't seem to care that his clothes are getting soaked in blood or that a large puddle is forming under him and spreading along the kitchen tiles.

Hayato does. Hayato cares that the asshole is messing up the kitchen.

The Storm jabs a finger at Mukuro -ignoring how the man's abdomen rather abruptly develops a hole where Hayato was pointing as if the Storm just stabbed the man- and glares. "She doesn't count, and neither does the dog or the yo-yo. Everyone knows you've brainwashed them into caring."

"You mean like how Tsunayoshi has given up on getting rid of you?" Mukuro chuckles with a kufufufu. "Your persistence is good for something, I suppose."

Hayato sucks in a breath and reaches for the drawer holding utensils. Yes, he uses dynamite, but sometimes stabbing someone just feels nicer.

"What is happening?" Tsuna deadpans.

The two spin to face the Decimo who's standing in the doorway, the man's eyes scanning the ridiculous amount of blood and the snake currently trying to escape through the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hayato actually feeds the Guardians (plus one Reborn) about 20% of the time. 60% goes to their ability to feed themselves, 10% is Nana, and the remaining is split evenly between Tsuna, Kusakabe and Byakuran.
> 
> (Don't ask about that last part. It's weird and more than a little bit terrifying.)


	14. A Fate Worse Than Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuna has no idea why his guardians insist on playing paintball, in his office, while he's trying to work.

"They're pushing left!" Hayato barks.

Lambo whips left around the cover of an upturned table and fires, the pellets skimming Takeshi as he dives behind a bookshelf.

Tsuna sits behind his desk, struggling to pay attention to his emails with all of the noise. The rest of the guardians and one hitman are separated into two teams, all of them weaving between covers made from random furniture either in the office from before or dragged inside from an adjacent room.

Almost every inch of the place is splattered in paint and as pellets whiz past and explode against furniture, a collage of rainbow colours decorate the Decimo's office. All of the players are in pure white clothes, just simple pants and long sleeved t-shirts so the paint splatters show up clearly.

To show teams, they have either a large black strip of cloth around their waists or a thin yellow ribbon forming a lattice up their left legs. Each person has a belt around their thigh for extra ammunition and at this point in the game they're on their last clip.

They also carry a handgun, specially modified to carry paintballs yet to shoot with the same intensity as a real gun. In Reborn's words, 'if it doesn't hurt, they won't dodge'.

Lambo highly disagrees with that statement.

Tsuna sighs and looks up from his laptop. "Why are you doing this in my office?" he complains. "Surely there are better places to do this."

He is completely ignored by the occupants of the room.

Chrome and Mukuro alternate sprinting forward and firing to give cover, both of them slowly making their way into enemy territory. Hayato and Ryohei try to keep them back but those two work like an extension of each other.

Lambo curses when Takeshi manages to hit one of his knees that was out of cover. "Hit!" he calls out and stands with a hand up, walking to the 'dead zone' near Tsuna.

"Sorry," Takeshi chuckles, not looking apologetic at all with his narrowed eyes and sharp grin.

Hayato grits his teeth because Chrome is five meters away and Mukuro isn't far behind, Takeshi has an uninterrupted route straight to their end and Kyouya is useless.

The Cloud scowls at Hayato as if he heard the Storm's thoughts, but it's actually true. Reborn is keeping him pinned, the hitman sniping from between a gap in tables.

Tsuna isn't sure if it's considered sniping in this case. Reborn is literally just sitting cross-legged on the ground behind two small tables tipped onto their sides, firing blindly with one hand and correcting Tsuna's last attempt at a treaty with the other hand.

Tsuna can see the awful amount of red pen from his seat half way across the room. Ugh. Tsuna really hopes the other team gets a paintball to at least splatter a little on the paper, but this is Reborn after all.

"I've extremely got this," Ryohei reassures calmly.

"Wait, don't-!" Hayato cries.

Ryohei dives out of cover with Hayato and tries to reach Kyouya behind a small set of drawers. Reborn picks him off easily but that split second of inattention lets Kyouya leap over the drawers, taking Takeshi out with a shot to the Rain's shoulder while mid-air, and land behind a couch.

Chrome startles and turns to face him, the two level with each other, but Kyouya weaves around her shot and one of his paintballs cracks open against her thigh.

There's a pause as Takeshi, Ryohei and Chrome move off field.

Then Mukuro is lunging over the couch, his gun barrel not half a meter from Kyouya's head. The Cloud throws himself towards Mukuro instead of away and the shots go over him. Before the Mist can realign his gun, Hayato manages three consecutive hits on Mukuro's back but gets taken out by Reborn as a consequence.

The two men grumble as they stand and leave. Instead of letting them go and then continuing, Kyouya uses Mukuro as a shield to slip further into Reborn's territory. A split second after he gets behind the cover of a bookshelf, pellets slam into the wood and cover the sad looking texts more in paint.

Reborn smirks and calmly stands, sauntering around cover and into the open, not even trying to be subtle. He takes a moment to stop at Tsuna's desk and drop the pen and paper off.

Kyouya frowns and crawls low to the ground, trying to get to the large meeting table since it has all of its chairs tipped over, the backrests blocking the open underside.

" _Dove corri, Allodola_?" Reborn purrs in Italian. " _Venire, cantare una canzone."_

"I'll bite you to death," Kyouya snaps irritation, ignoring the strategic route and instead throwing himself out of cover, firing a spray of pellets at Reborn.

The hitman laughs, whirling around the line of fire and shooting back. Kyouya tucks and rolls for the large conference table, smoothly slipping over a chair but under the table ledge, somehow squeezing into the small gap between.

Reborn quickly darts after the Cloud, trying to find a break so the pellets won't just hit the chair backrests, but he has to jump for the conference table when Kyouya fires at his legs. The hitman lands easily on the table and swiftly moves to the centre, scanning the edges for signs of Kyouya trying to make a break for it.

Just as Reborn turns to the large windows to try and see if Kyouya's reflection shows, the Cloud pops up from behind and lands in a crouch on the table. The hitman whips around and both men raise their guns, coming to a stop before they pull the trigger.

Reborn has his gun barrel pressed against a kneeling Kyouya's forehead while Kyouya has his pointing quite a bit lower.

"Not bad," Reborn admits lightly. "I guess it's a tie then."

"I don't tie," Kyouya chuckles darkly. "I think we should just shoot and see what happens."

"It may be a paintball, but from this close with this type of gun, I would kill you," Reborn warns. "This is not your win. Take the tie, or take the loss."

"I might die," Kyouya allows. "But from where my paintball would hit, you would have a fate worse than death waiting for you."

"He's got you there, Reborn," Tsuna speaks up, watching with interest.

"It's Kyouya's win," Lambo agrees.

"Bianchi would be inconsolable," Hayato says.

"We all know you're badass," Takeshi reassures. "Hell, you could probably take it, but stepping down would be for the sake of the world."

"Think of everyone else," Ryohei chimes in. "Are you so extremely selfish?"

Chrome blinks her wide, sorrowful eyes. "People everywhere would be so sad."

Mukuro nods along with everyone. "Please don't make him shoot you in the dic-"

"Okay!" Reborn interrupts. "If I forfeit, will you all shut up?"

"We'll try," Tsuna promises.


	15. Profile Rambings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tend to see these things in other people's profiles over on FFN and decided I should join in. These are just short snippets of stories between ten characters, prompted by the questions. (e.g. You notice that 3 and 4 have been inside that hotel room for MORE then a few hours. What are you thinking?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "List ten characters and answer the questions below."
> 
> 1\. Reborn
> 
> 2\. Leon
> 
> 3\. Kyouya
> 
> 4\. Fon
> 
> 5\. Daemon
> 
> 6\. Mukuro
> 
> 7\. Dino
> 
> 8\. Skull
> 
> 9\. Tsuna
> 
> 10\. Byakuran

_What if 3 walks into the bathroom while 2 is showering?_

Kyouya kicks open the bathroom door, tonfa raised for a 'sneak' attack. Reborn is nowhere to be found, but Leon is floating in the bathtub so the hitman must be close.

"Where is your human?" Kyouya demands.

Leon transforms into a steamboat and starts drifting around the large tub, clearly ignoring the Cloud. Kyouya frowns in annoyance but ends up sitting on the edge of the bath, planning on waiting for the hitman to return.

Reborn arrives to find Kyouya inside the bath, his clothes still on, playing with a shark!Leon while Hibird and Roll splash about.

* * *

_What if 4 announces they're going to marry 9 tomorrow?_

"I'm going to marry your son," Fon confesses to Nana, having quickly eaten the heavenly brownie the woman gave him.

Tsuna mutters sarcastically, "Well, it's nice to know I'm appreciated for being me."

* * *

_What if 7 suddenly confessed to being a part of 4's family?_

"I'm… I'm a part of your family," Dino blurts out.

Fon blinks in confusion. "The Triads?"

"No, no," Dino sighs. "Like – I…"

"Oh," Fon says in realisation, pity coming to his eyes. "Dino, I'm not actually a Vongola ally."

"Not mafia family," Dino hedges. "More in the realm of… you know."

Fon's face abruptly blanks. "Chiavarone, if this is your attempt at asking permission for Kyouya's hand-"

Dino quickly backpedals, hands out as a pathetic defence. "Wait, wait! I mean biological family! I'm a cousin!"

Fon, a black-haired Chinese, scans the blond-haired Italian. "Did Reborn tell you this?"

* * *

_What if 8 gets sent to the hospital?_

Skull etches in another tally mark on the underside of the drawer set. He quickly places everything back again and retreats into the hospital bed when he hears a nurse wander past a bit too close to his private room.

At least this time Reborn didn't insist on burying him alive in a graveyard.

* * *

_What if 9 makes fun of 6's friends?_

Tsuna says nothing and instead just stares at the corpses who shuffle into the room, blindly following Mukuro.

"This is Tuna," Mukuro introduces, gesturing to a particularly short zombie. "And this is Skylark, and Fedora, and-"

"Mukuro," Tsuna interrupts. "What have I said about grave robbing and playing with corpses? You have no idea where they've been or what diseases they have."

Mukuro gasps dramatically. "Tsunayoshi, are you making fun of my friends? They're not dirty or diseased, just a bit… rotting."

Tuna-zombie bumps into a shelf and knocks over some books. Tuna-human very calmly takes out his phone and speed dials Chrome.

* * *

_What if 10 ignores 1 all the time?_

Long, graceful fingers pluck a marshmallow from the open packet and place the fluffy treat in between wickedly smirking lips. The white puff disappears inside and a pink tongue darts out to lick the powdery residue off the fingers.

Byakuran twitches a little bit as Reborn leans over and takes another marshmallow, but the Gesso boss doesn't even look in the hitman's direction.

Tsuna looks between the two in worry. "Byakuran, are you okay?"

Byakuran smiles woodenly. "Why wouldn't I be, Tsunayoshi-kun? It's just us two, enjoying a lovely chat."

Reborn chuckles.

* * *

_Two serial killers are hunting 5 down. What will 1 do?_

Reborn peers down the sniper scope and fires off a warning shot.

Daemon flinches belatedly as the bullet skims his ear and slams into the large rubbish bin next to the Mist, causing the metal to groan loudly. Daemon curses and darts further down the alley as the two Vendice chasing him go to investigate the noise.

"Is he okay?" Tsuna asks Reborn through the Leon-earpiece.

"Perfectly fine," the hitman responds, a smirk on his face as he leads the Vendice forward with a trail of breadcrumbs that look oddly akin to bullets.

"Reborn, I can literally hear you smirking," Tsuna berates.

* * *

_3 is on a vacation with 2 and manages to break their leg. What does 2 do?_

Kyouya stares out at the forest around him, his back resting against the cliff he just fell down. His leg has a mild ache to it and he could probably walk if it was just the pain that stopped him. Unfortunately, the bone is also sticking out of the flesh and does not want to work properly at all.

Kyouya looks down at his leg and debates on whether he could just push it back in or not. It can't be that difficult, right?

Leon floats down then, in parachute mode and attached to a worried Roll, both of them landing in Kyouya's waiting palms. Hibird coasts down as well, tiny yellow wings open as it comes to a soft landing on Kyouya's head and chirps a few concerned 'Hibari's.

Leon scans the broken leg and the impatient expression on the human's face, then shifts into a small airplane before flying off.

Reborn arrives a few minutes later as Kyouya is trying to push the bone back inside his flesh. The Sun user rolls his eyes and crouches down to help fix the injury.

* * *

_It's 1's birthday. What does 3 give them?_

**I.O.U one fight**

Reborn looks up from the piece of paper with the quickly scrawled I.O.U. to find that Kyouya already has his tonfa out, eager to fight immediately.

"I'll save this for a special day," the hitman says mockingly and tucks it into his pocket.

Kyouya's disappointed expression is heartbreaking.

* * *

_2 is stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 do?_

"Reborn, please come out of the house," Fon calls out. "It's on fire."

"I know," the hitman replies, his voice carrying out of the upstairs window. "I'm the one who set it alight."

Fon sighs. "At least think of Leon. He's stuck in there with you."

The lizard comes flying out of the house and Fon quickly catches him. The martial artist then throws the lizard back inside because Reborn might actually get hurt if he doesn't have Leon to watch over him.

* * *

_You're about to do something that will make you feel extremely embarrassed. What does 5 do?_

"You should definitely post the chapter," Daemon chuckles mockingly with a 'nufufufu' from behind the author. "Don't worry, Ourliazo, it's not like you just stole some inane questions from a couple of profile pages, and you are most certainly not trying to pass it off as  _actual writing,_ " he says sarcastically.

Ourliazo sits in front of the laptop, the standard mouse arrow hovering over the red X in the Word document.

Daemon leans in closer, hands tightening on Ourliazo's shoulders. "They all know how bad your writing is. The only way to go from here is up."

Ourliazo sighs and returns to typing.

* * *

_4 is about to marry 10. What's 1's reaction?_

Fon and Byakuran gaze into each other's eyes, filled with love and adoration.

Reborn looks down at the vial of black liquid in his hand, and then calmly tucks it away and wanders off, intent on pretending that none of this is his fault. He'll get the antidote from Verde later, but for now, he'll just sit back and enjoy the show.

* * *

_8 gets rejected by someone. How will 7 cheer them up?_

"There's good news to all of this," Dino reassures Skull.

The stuntman just stares blankly at the rejected flowers in his hands.

The bad news is that Skull can't see past Reborn's cosplay. Dino does not say that the good news mainly consists of how  _no one else_  can see past Reborn's cosplay either.

* * *

_5 competes in a tournament. How does 9 support them?_

"Just try to not kill anyone," Tsuna suggests.

Daemon's smirk is not at all reassuring.

* * *

_What if 2 tells 6 about their deeply hidden love for 9?_

"Ah," Mukuro says with a solemn expression on. "I understand, Leon."

Reborn reaches over and snatches his lizard away from Mukuro's grip.

"Wait," Mukuro protests, trying to take back Leon. "He was just telling me about his deeply hidden love for Tsunayoshi."

Reborn hides the lizard behind his back so Mukuro can't reach him. "Is this the same as when Leon 'told' you about his cravings for human flesh?"

* * *

_6 is dating 3 and they introduce them to their parents. Will they get along?_

Mukuro smiles happily and gestures to an unmarked piece of land deep inside an Italian forest. "Mother, Father. This is Kyouya, my boyfriend."

Kyouya peers at the make-shift grave and then up at Mukuro. "We seem to have more in common than I thought."

* * *

_5 loves 9 as well. What does that mean?_

"Your son means everything to me," Daemon manages to mumble out between the cookies from Nana that he's shoving into his face. "I think we're going to get married."

Fon nods in the background, wiping some crumbs from his cheek.

Tsuna sighs.

* * *

_Will 5 and 6 ever kiss?_

lol nope

* * *

_9 is too shy to face 1 and confesses their love by sending an email. Now what?_

Tsuna squeaks in fright when Reborn kicks down the door, yet the brunet still manages to throw himself out of the window to avoid the hail of rubber bullets.

Reborn leans out of the window, not bothering to give chase. "You're pathetic, Dame-Tsuna!" he calls out, but there's a bright smile on his face.

* * *

_You spot 10 kissing 1. How do you react?_

Reborn pulls back from Byakuran and licks his lips. "You taste like sugar."

"You taste like pure sin," Byakuran purrs in response before dragging in the hitman by his tie to get more of a taste.

Meanwhile, Dino has collapse to his knees outside the room and appears to be sobbing the words, "I can never unsee."

* * *

_You notice that 3 and 4 have been inside that hotel room for MORE then a few hours. What are you thinking?_

Tsuna frowns at the door that separates him from Kyouya and Fon. "I don't want to wake them up from their nap, but our flight is leaving soon," he whispers to Hayato.

Hayato shrugs, uncaring. "We could just leave them. Or send in the baseball freak for some entertainment."

"We're not sacrificing Takeshi," Tsuna berates lightly.

* * *

_9 sketches what 6's perfect lover should look like. Will 6 be happy?_

Mukuro stares at Tsuna's 'drawing'. "You took a picture of me and then printed it out."

Tsuna blinks. "Well, yes. Are you saying you wouldn't date yourself?"

"Touché, Tsunayoshi," Mukuro mutters.

* * *

_What if 3 accidentally kicks 5?_

"It wasn't accidental," Kyouya corrects Tsuna, unashamed at having just punted Daemon out of a window.

* * *

_What if 8 has quite a big secret?_

"I'm Harry Potter," Skull admits.

Tsuna blinks. "Uh… congratulations? I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about."

Skull surveys the room, everyone else having turned back to their own conversations, completely uncaring about Skull's announcement.

"Yeah, I'm not sure what I was expecting," the stuntman mutters to Tsuna.

* * *

_How does 3 greet 4?_

Fon is cut off mid-conversation with Colonnello, and is instead tackled through a wall by Kyouya.

* * *

_What dream would 5 have about 6?_

"Get out of my mind, Mukuro!" Daemon snaps.

A soft 'kufufufu' fades away as Mukuro retreats after being caught.

* * *

_What would make 10 scared of 1?_

Byakuran watches through the CCTV as Reborn makes his way through the Millefiore building, the hitman slaughtering everyone in his path without a hint of exertion. His eyes are shadowed by the brim of his fedora and his expression is entirely blank, but the killing intent is tangible.

"Release the Anti Tri-ni-set radiation," Byakuran orders.

"It's not finished," a White Spell subordinate protests.

Byakuran lunges out of his couch and violently wrenches the idiot up by his collar. " _Reborn_  is coming – the  _World's Greatest Hitman_  is hunting us down and  _you want to argue with me?!"_ he snarls in anger before throwing the White Spell member to the ground and typing in the computer command himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There a lot of versions of this, and many more questions that I didn't have time to add in.
> 
> What was your favourite snippet?


	16. Sequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sequel of sorts to my previous snippets in chapter 15. (Featuring marrying for food, Leon and Kyouya's friendship, fluffy R27, and burning things.)

"We're going to have red and black be the wedding theme," Daemon warns Tsuna. "Do you have any preference for cake? I mean lovely Nana will be making all the food of course, but-"

"Please leave," Tsuna deadpans. "You as well, Fon."

Fon turns around and gives him a wide eyed look like he thought he was being sneaky in reaching for the latest box of Nana's treats.

"Yes, I can see you," Tsuna snaps at him. "It doesn't matter how still or quiet you are, your clothes are bright red. Get out of my office, both of you."

"But the wedding is next month," Daemon protests.

Tsuna doesn't acknowledge any arguments as he tries in vain to physically shove them both out of his office. He ends up just grabbing the box of biscuits and hurling it through a window.

Daemon vanishes and reappears outside mid-air, curling protectively around it. Fon uses the windowsill to get extra height as he leaps for the food, but he doesn't make it. To be fair, no one was expecting Kyouya to drop from the roof and tackle Fon into the backyard pool.

"There is something wrong with that child," Reborn says.

Tsuna is used to Reborn sneaking up on him so he doesn't startle but he does blush bright red and hunch his shoulders slightly. The man hasn't said anything about the email yet after the whole 'chase Tsuna out of a window and call him pathetic' tactic Reborn first implemented.

Tsuna's not sure if it's a yes to his confession or a solid no.

Tsuna tenses further as Reborn steps up beside him, close enough that their shoulders brush, and leans out to see if anyone is drowning. Daemon is already gone with the treats, while Fon is climbing out of the pool and trying to wring the water from his long hair and clothes.

Kyouya is standing in the shallow end, attempting to coax Roll and Hibird out, but the little animals paddle away from him. Hibird dunks under like it's bath time and Roll lets out adorable little squeaks as it swims around.

Leon drops down into Reborn's vision, the lizard hanging upside down from the brim of his hat, and headbutts the hitman lightly. Reborn nods and Leon hops off, shifting into a kite and coasting down to the pool with the other small animals.

Kyouya gives up when Leon bellyflops in as a cute and pudgy green whale.

"Do you think Leon likes him better than me?" Reborn wonders jokingly. It's a joke because of course Reborn will always be Leon's favourite.

"I think you're fishing for compliments," Tsuna says with a smile blooming across his face.

"It's a serious issue," Reborn argues lightly. "He has a strange affinity for animals. What if Leon turns into a tonfa one day?"

"This is ridiculous," Tsuna chuckles and looks up at Reborn with a soft expression. "Why do I love you so much?"

There's a pause as those words register and then Tsuna is back peddling quickly. He opens his mouth to explain that he totally meant it in a friendly way, but Reborn cuts over him.

"I'm getting second hand embarrassment from you," Reborn sighs, rubbing his face with his hands. "You're so Dame."

"It just came out," Tsuna protests. "I couldn't stop it any more. I've been wanting to say it for so long."

Reborn groans. "Every time you open your mouth it just gets worse."

Tsuna purses his lips but then just decides that he really couldn't mess this up more than he already has. Tsuna steps closer and grabs Reborn's wrists, pulling them away from his face where the hitman was presumably trying to scrub away the feelings.

"Um," Tsuna tries. "Do you want to get dinner tonight?"

"God no," Reborn deadpans.

"We can get your favourite," Tsuna coaxes.

"Are we having the same conversation?"

"Awesome, seven it is."

"Dame-Tsuna,  _no_."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"I could kill you," Reborn points out, only now remembering to pull his arms away. "And then Verde is going to waste time cloning you and I'll waste time training you again."

"What's the real issue?" Tsuna asks. "I understand that I look like I could be your father, and you're barely legal, but you could always threaten people with your guns if they make a fuss."

Reborn stares, incredulous. "Mentally, I could be your grandfather."

Tsuna scoffs loudly. "I wish you'd act your mental age sometimes. Honestly, putting fake snakes in Lambo's bed. And then real ones. And then setting his apartment on fire and blaming it on Leon and Fon."

"You know what?" Reborn begins. "If you're going to insult me like this then I'm just going to go and date Byakuran. At least he tastes like sugar."

Tsuna frowns sceptically. "You're going to date Byakuran… the same person you've murdered in several other parallel worlds – wait, sugar? When – when – I, Reborn. No. Noooo…" Tsuna's bottom lip wobbles and his eyes gain a sheen of unshed tears.

Reborn is taken aback at the sudden change. "It's a joke, Dame-Tsuna. I was just trying to traumatise Dino."

Tsuna sniffles loudly and faceplants into Reborn's chest, clutching desperately at his suit jacket.

"Oh, please don't," Reborn sighs but hugs back anyway. "You're a mafia boss, idiot. Why are you even crying?"

"Ca- can we have venison for dinner?" Tsuna whimpers.

"Whatever you want," Reborn says, rubbing calming circles into Tsuna's back.

The Decimo pulls away with a bright grin. "Great, I'll pick you up at seven," he chirps. Tsuna plants a quick kiss on Reborn's cheek and then tries to escape.

Reborn kneecaps him before he gets three steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The art of kneecapping is pretty much shooting someone in the knee. You can almost feel the love Reborn has.
> 
> This is a bit more like crack than the actual snippets, since I tried to fit as many as I could in. So how is it?


	17. Mama's Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Vongola Guardians can work together like a well-oiled machine when the time calls for it. Of course, this only occurs when they're trying to steal Nana's food from Tsuna. (Pure crack.)

Tsuna hums happily as he opens the large box his mum sent him.

The other Guardians circle around like sharks, eyes narrowed and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. They haven't been to Namimori in months now and they all miss her cooking. Nana's cookies are especially heavenly. They are worth bloodshed and murder and every Guardian in this room would  _die_  for them.

Tsuna continues to hum, oblivious.

Suddenly Kyouya throws himself at Mukuro, the two clashing loudly and violently as a distraction. They instantly grab Tsuna's attention and he hurries over to break them up. Takeshi and Hayato deliberately get in the way so Tsuna can't stop the two Guardians fighting while the rest quickly dig through lots of packing peanuts and clothes and weird decorative pieces.

Chrome accidentally drops a vase on the floor. It makes a loud thud on the carpet, thankfully not breaking, and rolls a bit before Lambo scoops it up and hides it behind his back. Tsuna glances over his shoulder but suddenly Kyouya cries out and doubles over before collapsing.

Tsuna finally shoves past Takeshi and rushes to the Cloud in shock. "Where does it hurt?"

Kyouya looks up at him in annoyance. "I don't know, where do herbivores normally get hurt?"

Hayato facepalms hard enough that it makes an audible noise.

Kyouya's abdomen abruptly gushes blood, courtesy of Mukuro's Mist flames and Kyouya takes the hint, groaning and curling up tighter. Takeshi mimes clapping behind Tsuna's back, along with Mukuro. The Cloud really likes those cookies. Just look at how much effort he's putting in.

Ryohei rushes forward before Tsuna can turn and call for him. "Hold his hand," the Sun blurts out. "Just keep your eyes on him and I'll fix everything else."

Kyouya's intestines suddenly start coming out and Hayato elbows Mukuro for being dramatic.

"Oh my God!" Tsuna cries. "Are those your intestines? How much pain are you in?"

"A lot?" Kyouya tries.

Chrome runs a hand down her face. She then quickly conjures a sign that reads ' _Remember when you started choking Dino with his own whip?_ '

Kyouya starts making gasping, gargled sounds, mimicking Dino as best he can. The other Guardians suddenly feel a lot of pity for the poor blond. They might even share some cookies with him when this is over. Maybe.

Lambo is digging through the large box while Mukuro, Hayato and Takeshi are standing behind Tsuna as a protective wall on the off chance that he turns around. Chrome is still giving directions to Kyouya while Ryohei is kind of just splashing around in the fake blood.

This is the scene Reborn steps into.

"Reborn!" Tsuna cries. "Kyouya is really injured, can you do anything to save him?"

Reborn drops to a knee beside Kyouya and shakes his head slowly, playing along just because he can mess with his student. "I'll try my best but…" he trails off dramatically.

Tsuna gasps and tightens his hold on Kyouya's hand. "Is-is there anything…?"

"Just make him comfortable."

"I think mum sent a blanket," Tsuna says quickly and turns to the box.

Ryohei screams and topples forward. "I'm having a baby!" he cries, clutching his stomach.

Tsuna jerks and stares in shock. "Wait, what are you having?"

"We have to amputate!" Takeshi blurts out, unsheathing his sword.

"Quick," Chrome urges, grabbing Tsuna's arm and hauling him to his feet. "Go find Hana and tell her the good news."

"The baby is crowning," Reborn says in a serious voice. "Get him ready for the birth."

"He's male," Tsuna stutters. "And- and Kyouya."

"Kyouya is fine," Mukuro cuts in, getting rid of the large wound but leaving the blood illusion. "Reborn healed him already! It's a miracle! Yay?"

While Tsuna is still looking at Kyouya, Lambo tosses a coat from Nana's box at Hayato who snatches it out of the air and stuffs it under Ryohei's shirt to mimic a horribly disfigured belly.

"Ready!" Reborn demands.

Takeshi and Mukuro each grab a leg from Ryohei and haul them into the air. Ryohei flails around dramatically on his back, occasionally clutching the coat bundled under his shirt.

"Aim!" Reborn orders, jabbing a finger at the window.

The two midwife assistants shuffle over on their knees until Ryohei's feet are aimed at the window.

"What the fuck is happening?" Tsuna deadpans.

"Go!" Chrome cries, shoving him out of the door. "Find Hana!"

The door slams shut after Tsuna and the Decimo can hear a faint "Fire!" from inside. Then a window shatters from the projectile birth. Tsuna hopes to God that's an illusion and nothing actually came out of Ryohei.

Tsuna sighs heavily. He wonders how Xanxus deals with his Guardians. Then Tsuna remembers that Xanxus is an alcoholic with anger management issues.

Is it too early to retire?


	18. Presence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Arcobaleno find themselves in a soulmate collection long before they meet Checker Face. (Includes 40% soulmate mechanics, 30% infiltration tactics and 30% SkullxReborn.)

Skull always thought he'd get a soulmate and they'd instantly be best friends and talk all the time and share stupid inside jokes. So when he feels the link being opened, he bursts into the endless white space of the mental Common Room and floods it with a torrent of thoughts all meaning essentially the same thing;

" _I'm so glad you're here_."

His soulmate does not respond at all. Eventually, after a few days, Skull kind of realises that maybe they don't know how to use their Presence to communicate and so Skull stops pestering them for an answer and instead holds up a constant stream of one-sided dialogue.

" _Hey! How was your day? I hope you're doing well. I had a weird dream today; there was a spider, but it had a human face and it tried to eat me-"_

Skull doesn't mind his soulmate being the quiet type. Their spherical Presence in the Common Room is super small, way smaller than Skull is, but they're a soft gold colour who's so warm and it feels really nice if Skull kind of curls his purple Presence around them.

Sometimes he'd try to meet them; he'd say a time and place and stay there the entire day, waiting for them to show up. They never come, which is okay because some people have really busy lives and Skull sort of pushed the meeting on them because they can't speak to agree or disagree.

Skull is happy with his soulmate, despite the silence. If he has a bad day, he'd curl himself around the golden ball in his mind and spend hours just basking in the warmth. His soulmate is the caring type of person, because they'll glow just a little bit brighter if Skull needs them.

" _I'm so happy I have you, Sunshine."_

* * *

Fon blinks when he feels a strange, faint sensation of being in two places at once. He knew it would happen eventually but since the time of connection is often randomised, he didn't get any warning.

He falls out of his ready stance and leaves the already ruined punching bag in favour of sitting down to meditate. He mentally steps into the Common Room and assesses his new form.

His Presence is a dark, blood red sphere, a bit smaller than the bright purple one he sees. Fon quickly takes control and drags the darker parts into the middle, leaving a much cheerier red in it's place.

He also attempts to grow smaller, but it seems he's not quite there yet. His Presence compacts a bit but slips through his control and regains its original size. Fon makes a note to practice this more. He focuses on the purple instead.

" _Hello."_

Fon sighs inaudibly. His greeting sounded like a threat. Clearly, this whole Presence thing takes cues from Fon's younger self. He thought he'd managed to bury the aggressive side of him in everything except a fight. He clears his mind and tries again.

" _It is very nice to meet you."_

Much better. Fon tries to project a calming aura like he usually does but something gets lost in translation and it ends up being killing intent.

The other Presence shrinks back and drifts away from Fon. It ends up revealing a golden Presence, about a third of Fon's size, that the purple must have been wrapped around before.

A very dark yellow, hm? So Fon isn't the only danger here.

" _Uh,"_  the purple begins, quickly skating in front of the gold to hide it again from Fon.  _"Nice to meet you too. So, two soulmates, huh?"_

" _Soulmates?"_  Fon queries, happy that his tone stays light.  _"Ah, you must be a Westerner."_

The Common Room should automatically convert languages. It's based in the mind, entirely run on thoughts and intent instead of actual linguistics so the Presences have no barrier in communication.

Fon only caught onto it because of the term 'soulmate' that most English-speaking countries use. China says 'partner' regarding the people you meet when your string of fate tangles with another's.

" _Ah, yep. Aussie all the way!"_ the purple cheers. _"I'm Skull."_

" _Fon,"_  Fon says simply.  _"And… who is your friend over there?"_

Skull leans out slightly so the gold peeks out behind him.  _"This is Sunshine. I mean, well, not really. But they don't talk and they kind of feel like sunlight so…"_

The golden Presence sits there silently. Fon feels a smile grow on his physical body's face. A Presence that dark, that vicious, and Skull calls it Sunshine?

Fon chuckles. " _I feel like we'll get along well."_

* * *

When the link opens, Lal steps into the Common Room to find a giant purple Presence bouncing around like a squirrel on crack while a red one watches in amusement and a gold hovers off to the side, clearly not wanting to be a part of this madhouse.

She turns around and immediately leaves. Unfortunately, just because you don't focus on the Common Room, doesn't mean your Presence disappears from there.

Lal abruptly feels smothered and snaps back into her Presence, ready to smack a bitch, but the purple wisely retreats behind the red.

" _Hi, how are you, oh my gaaaaahd I get another one. This is amazing! What's your name? I'm Skull, this is Fon, and that's Sunshine."_

Lal blinks.  _"I'm Lal."_

" _Wonderful timing, Lal,"_  Fon says. " _We were just organising a meet up. Would you be able to travel in the next few days?"_

Lal quickly skims through what she remembers of her schedule.  _"I can't go far. Are you based around Italy?"_

" _I could get there,"_  Skull says excitedly.

" _Me too,"_ Fon agrees with a smile.

Lal turns to Sunshine, but they stay silent. She expects a noise of confirmation at least but there's no response.

" _It's fine,"_  Skull says.  _"They're really shy so they don't talk. Or, you know, move at all."_

" _Are they in a coma?"_  Lal wonders.

Lal and Fon spend the next three hours trying to calm down Skull and stop him from smothering the gold Presence into an actual coma.

* * *

When Verde's link opens up, he refrains from following the bridge. He takes his time setting up, making sure the recording program is running properly, and that the sensors stuck on him won't fall off if he moves.

He lies down on the cot, does one last check, and closes his eyes to better focus on his newest experiment.

He comes to the abrupt awareness that his Presence is surrounded by a blue, red and purple, all of them larger than him. They were waiting for him, Verde realises.

The purple is bright and clear, not a hint of dark running through it so definitely a civilian, and a particularly 'good' one at that. It's the biggest so it has the loudest personality.

The red is bright, but there's flickers of shadows if Verde focuses enough. It's not as big as the purple or blue, but large enough to indicate an outgoing or maybe arrogant mindset.

The blue's colour is unabashedly in the middle range, so they're vicious but not more than a little above average, certainly lighter than Verde. They're large, and probably earned the size through their commanding aura.

Verde peers at them all.  _"What is your age, sex, history and nationality?"_

" _I'm Skull-"_ the purple begins.

" _The demand for a name was not on that list,"_  Verde cuts in.  _"Don't waste my time."_

Another burst of colour against the plain white expanse of the Common Room is revealed when Skull shifts sideways. Verde glances over Skull's shoulder to find a small Presence on the outskirts of the Common Room. The gold is far smaller than Verde, maybe half his size, and the pure black streaks that run through the already deep golden colour means this Presence has done some very  _bad_  things.

" _That's Sunshine,"_ Skull chirps, unaffected by Verde's earlier retort.

The purple darts away and bumps into the gold from behind so the Presence drifts towards the strange huddle going on. Skull bumps it a few more times until it reaches them. It still continues to slide through the air, clearly no one driving it, and lightly bops Fon on the side before spinning to Verde.

The scientist catches the golden Presence by concaving his own dark green sphere and forming a sort of shaky, solid net.

Sunshine is warm and strangely soft. So they're mentally present, otherwise they'd be a cooler temperature. The softness comes from a slight intangibility, which would be the result of trying to block or destroy the mental bridge that connects someone to their so-called 'soulmate'.

" _I met Sunshine first, then Fon and Lal,"_  Skull explains, developing stick-like protrusions to reach out and gather the gold to himself, almost seeming to absorb it into his mass.  _"She -maybe a he- doesn't talk or move around so I think that-"_

" _They're trying to break the link, yes,"_  Verde confirms.  _"Interesting. I didn't think any of you would know the facets of a Presence so well-"_

" _Trying to break the link?!"_  Skull abruptly shrieks.

" _Is that possible?"_  Lal asks, shocked.

A bit of blood red escapes Fon's grip and slips back into his visible exterior.

Verde blinks.  _"Oh, so you didn't know."_

Skull latches onto Verde with his multiple stick arms and shakes the dark green back and forth.  _"What do you mean 'break the link'?!"_

* * *

Viper keeps their Presence hidden as the link attaches. They expect one easily fooled idiot but abruptly encounter five different people.

Four are projecting heavily about a restaurant ten minutes away from Viper. They purse their lips and decide that this really is the perfect chance to gather information on the people they'll spend their life with.

Viper slips into a table on the other side of the restaurant, hidden by a helpfully placed pot plant, just as the others receive their food.

Half the conversation is mental with the other half vaguely heard through the Common Room anyway due to so many of them thinking about it. The discussion is about how to find someone called Sunshine and stop the person from pulling away.

Viper thinks these people aren't completely intolerable, but the Mist is hardly going to trust perfect strangers. It won't take long; a simple peek into their minds so Viper can pull out a few secrets just in case one gets the idea to mess with Viper.

True, none of these people are Mist users, but they're all weak links in Viper's mental fortress. If they hire another Mist, then there's a direct link straight to Viper through them.

That is unacceptable.

Viper's soulmates decide on continuing to pester Sunshine into talking while also trying to track the gold with Verde's complicated algorithm that no one can seem to understand.

Sunshine will be the perfect first attempt. Viper leaves the restaurant after they do and spends the rest of the day in anticipation. Unfortunately, Skull and Verde stay up until about three and four in the morning respectively, which is when Fon rises and Lal follows soon after.

Viper had no gap to work with. They could initiate the plan when the others are awake, but it would be easier when everyone's asleep.

Viper ends up waiting an entire week until finally Skull passes out after a night of binge watching some weaboo bullshit.

They step into their Presence and flood the Common Room with Mist flames, keeping the others in a state of unconsciousness. Viper then makes their way over to Sunshine, seeing as contact would make breaking into the mind easier.

As soon as Viper touches the gold, it lurches back and shoots out tendrils that rip straight through Viper's Presence.

* * *

Colonnello bursts into the Common Room and launches himself at the other blue Presence, positively gleeful. Of course his true love is his soulmate!

Lal backhands him across the Common Room and Colonnello goes spinning, bouncing off an indigo then a green like he's in a pinball machine. The bouncing throws the two around as well, much to their irritation.

A purple rushes forward and blocks a tiny gold Presence also in Colonnello's way but the soldier jerks to a halt before he can slam into them.

" _Lal!"_  Colonnello wails.  _"We're meant to be!"_

Lal slides a flat stare to Skull.  _"Of course he's as big as you are."_  As bright as well.

" _Brotha from anotha mothafucka,"_  Skull drawls.

" _Laaa~aaal,"_  Colonnello sing-songs, drifting closer again but wisely keeping his distance this time.

Lal peers over at Viper, ignoring the soldier.  _"You good?"_  she asks. After what the indigo said about being attacked by another Mist a week ago, the hit might have actually done some damage.

" _Fine,"_  Viper says shortly and then cloaks themself once more. It's quite a feat considering they're as big as Fon. In fact, a great majority of the people here are significantly bigger than average (according to Verde and his extensive research).

Colonnello's Presence shivers and he laughs loudly, too gleeful to keep himself contained.  _"Sorry, sorry, but I'm so happy right now."_

Fon gives off a serene aura. " _There's no need to be sorry. It does seem to be a happy moment seeing as you and Lal obviously know each other."_

Lal sighs heavily. She continues on to introduce everyone to her moron of a recruit, emphasising several times that there is no relationship except for a strictly professional one.

Another meet up is organised to properly introduce themselves to the two newest soulmates. They haven't seen each other in about a month anyway.

(And it's making them all strangely homesick.)

* * *

Skull wakes up tied to a metal chair. He's been stuffed into a concrete room with a group of strangers off to one side, who go quiet when they realise he's awake. His soulmates flood his thoughts with questions, asking about any injuries or if he knows the location or why he was taken.

Skull shakes his head. He has no idea what the hell is going on.

The last thing he remembers is pulling up to the side of the road to help someone change their car tire. They didn't have a wrench, so Skull searched around in his trunk and then nothing, just blankness. He must have been knocked out.

"Talking with your soulmates?" one of the strangers asks mildly.

There are five of them, three men and two women, all sneering at Skull in a cross between disgust and victory.

The one who spoke, a blond man, steps closer. "Tell Viper that I've come to collect the money they stole from me."

Another man nods along in the background and Viper hisses wordlessly in anger at the thought of these people taking Viper's rightfully stolen money.

The two women pick up the threats next, one brunette sliding a knife out of it's sheath slowly. "Hello, Lal. Remember me?" Her smile is downright nasty, mimicked by the second brunette beside her, possibly a sister.

" _Bitch, try me,"_  Lal snarls back even though the two women can't hear her.

The third man just glares at Skull, which elicits several muttered words from Verde, none of them polite.

Skull is scared stiff, but his soulmates quickly assess the situation.

They've all been meeting up as a large group more often lately, Lal thinks. They haven't exactly been subtle either about switching from speaking aloud and speaking in their thoughts. It honestly wouldn't take long for an outsider to realise it's a large soulmate collection.

Colonnello considers the fact that these five kidnappers have different targets, so it's not ridiculous to assume they simply teamed up to have a better chance. However, that also means there might be other groups that joined who are waiting elsewhere for an ambush. They can't assume the enemy is just five people.

Fon acknowledges that Skull is bait, that's obvious, but judging by the table full of knives and pliers and a power drill, Skull's not just going to be sitting in this room and waiting for a rescue. It makes sense. If they torture Skull, everyone will rush recklessly in and not pause to-

Skull mentally whimpers at the thought of torture and Fon quickly waves away that thought process.

Viper transmits the image of several tissues they just sneezed into while channelling their ESP. The first is a simplistic map of Rome with an 'X' where Skull is being kept and the second is vague blueprints of the building.

Verde makes a victorious noise and sends over packages of information that unfold in the Common Room for everyone to view. Basic profiles of the five Skull can see, plus a concrete address of the building he found using Viper's unique form of tracking.

Skull curls up around Sunshine and watches with wide eyes as these thought spins through the shared mind. He can catch glimpses through the others' eyes, either stocking up on weaponry or already on the move.

Colonnello and Lal would be better off taking compact guns and close combat weaponry since Skull is being kept in the relatively small basement and even the floors above have narrow hallways.

Viper and Lal should come in as a team first, with the Mist keeping them camouflaged. They have to reach Skull as soon as possible, because there's a high chance the kidnappers will just kill Skull as soon as their actual targets arrive.

Fon is best suited for this close combat environment, so he should enter from another point and act as a distraction to draw the majority of people, backed by Colonnello.

Verde and his sharp mind would be suited for the position of control tower, relaying information directly to the strike team while waiting at a safe distance from the building. It would be difficult just keeping track of six other people's thoughts normally, but it would become exponentially worse in the chaos of fighting enemies, so it's much easier if Verde organises them all.

No one is entirely certain of who thinks of this plan -maybe it was just a mash of them all pitching in ideas- but it's logical with sound tactics so no one argues.

This all passes in just seconds, flickers of thoughts quickly being interpreted and built upon without the need to stop and explain further or give a reason for it. That's all packaged within the initial idea, so it makes everything far more efficient.

"Well?" one of the men asks, impatient. "Is Viper going to respond or should I take it as them forfeiting your life?"

" _Play along,"_  Lal orders.  _"Stall them from hurting you."_

"Uh, um," Skull tries.

" _Tell them that I wouldn't have been able to steal the money if they weren't such incompetent morons,"_  Viper mutters.  _"Really, who uses their birthday as a code?"_

" _Do not say that!"_  Colonnello quickly cuts in.  _"Viper, seriously, do you want them to punch Skull in the face?"_

" _I want Skull to punch_ them _in the face,"_ Viper snaps.  _"Fuckheads trying to take my money – how dare they?!"_

" _Okay,"_  Fon begins.  _"But back to reality now. Tell them we're coming but that we'll be upset if you're hurt."_

" _No, that'll make them hurt him even faster,"_ Verde disagrees. _"Say they we're several hours out and it'll take time to get there."_

" _No,"_ Lal growls. _"They don't know we have the location. Tell them-"_

It quickly descends into an all-out argument on the best way to keep Skull intact and not missing fingers or bits of his ear or chunks of his flesh or-

"Please don't hurt me," is what Skull actually says because all this talk about torture is scaring him.

The man pauses for a moment but then throws back his head and laughs long and hard. The other four snicker as well, and Skull actually has hope they'll cheerfully agree, but one woman reaches for pliers.

"I call dibs on his fingernails," she says.

Skull's soulmates immediately go silent, their previous argument dying a quick death. They start speaking softly but firmly, giving him tips on how to survive torture, how to deal with pain and push through.

They all know it's an inevitability at this point, and Skull knows it too, but the fact that they don't even pretend there's another option makes Skull's eyes start to water.

Skull has this stupid reoccurring daydream about being kidnapped, just ridiculous thoughts when boredom hits hard. The kidnapping is usually because he's such an awesome stuntman and everyone is jealous or maybe he steps in and saves someone then gets taken because he 'saw too much'.

He inevitably breaks out with ninja moves (because imaginary badass Skull has ninja moves) and there are always convenient weapons lying around for him and one punch or kick easily takes an opponent down because no one is capable of fighting purple Rambo.

This is not like his daydreams at all.

For one, the imaginary kidnappers use easy to untie rope only around his wrists, but these guys handcuffed his wrists to the chair arms and ankles to the chair legs, plus the entire piece of uncomfortable furniture is bolted down.

Secondly, no sexy kidnapper lady tries to seduce secrets of how he got so awesome out of him. Thirdly, he'd never daydreamed about scent, but this basement smells a lot like blood and that's a little too real for him right now.

Then finally, Skull is pretty damn sure Sunshine isn't tearfully waiting back at his apartment and they're probably not going to kiss romantically after Skull heroically returns home, and the proposal wouldn't work either because Skull doesn't even have a ring yet.

Skull's Presence curls just that little bit tighter around Sunshine's pretty gold. He knows it's horrible, but he really does wish that Sunshine was here with him. Skull doesn't want them to get hurt but having someone physically be here would comfort him a lot more.

It doesn't help that he can hear the others' thoughts; regret and worry and sadness because Skull is not going to last long at all.

The woman with the pliers holds down Skull's hand because some preparation is necessary. Skull's fingernails are short, so the woman's sister first tucks the point of a knife's blade underneath and holds a mallet in the other hand, planning to carve out some room to then use pliers and pull out his nail.

Even the knife digging in right now seems like excruciating pain. His finger is bleeding, but it's a sluggish and small flow for something so painful. Skull has broken bones before, has almost killed himself in several vehicle accidents either while doing stunts or just being an idiot in general.

So it's not exactly the pain that's making him want to scream. It's more sheer terror than anything else.

Skull wants to say something, a cool one-liner, a threat, anything, but he's so weak. They haven't done anything yet but he feels the need to cry making his throat constrict. The woman reels back the mallet and then swings.

The door slams open and all five are dead before Skull even registers the almost silent gunshots.

Skull just… kind of… stares down at the corpses, perfect little holes through each forehead. There are quiet footsteps, then the scrape of a chair being lifted and set down in front of Skull, before finally the rustle of clothes as someone sits.

Skull can see expensive leather shoes in his line of sight, polished to a brilliant shine. He follows those long legs up to find a handsome stranger in a black three-piece suit and fedora. The man has two curly locks of hair resting at either side of his jaw and his eyes are pitch black.

The adorable bright green chameleon on the hat's brim is really out of place, especially considering the gun resting on the man's lap.

" _Fuck,"_  is Colonnello's contribution.

Fon sucks in a breath _. "Just stay calm, Skull, everything is going to be okay."_

Skull can hear their thoughts, they're too panicked to hide any, all of it boiling down to;  _No one escapes the World's Greatest Hitman._

Out of the frying pan and into a blackhole apparently.

"That's fine," Skull sighs, honestly just close to giving up. "You know, I didn't really want to live anyway."

The man chuckles softly, lips quirking upwards into a smirk. "Pathetic," he murmurs almost fondly.

Skull gapes, along with his soulmates. This is – like, okay. This is ridiculous. Skull should be getting tortured right now, but instead a hitman saves him and then Skull makes him laugh (he has a really nice laugh) and now Skull isn't dead.

Maybe Skull is dreaming this, because this is too convenient, right? There's no way a random hitman -World's Greatest- suddenly steps in for Skull. Skull is not important enough for a rescue. The timing is too perfect. This is unheard of levels of Deus Ex Machina.  _How is he not dead?!_

You know what? Fuck it.

"Are you Sunshine?" Skull blurts out, because that just makes the most sense to him right now.

"No," the hitman drawls. "If I had a ridiculous name like Sunshine, then I'd consult an entire bottle of sleeping pills on how to make that end quickly."

A laugh is startled out of Skull at that black humour.

The hitman smirks. "Call me Reborn."

"Reborn," Skull echoes, staring with wide eyes. He leans forward and grins like he doesn't hear his other soulmates all screaming at him to shut up and not antagonise the hitman.  _"It's good to meet you."_

"It's a pleasure, I'm sure," Reborn hums. It's mocking but it's also confirmation of who Reborn is since he can hear Skull's thoughts. "But I'm not here for a friendly chat, unfortunately."

Skull nods enthusiastically. "I'm totally onboard. Get these cuffs off me and let's get out of here."

Reborn huffs out a laugh. "No, Skull, that's not what I mean."

Skull likes how Reborn says his name. "What do you mean?"

Reborn tilts his head slightly to the side, almost innocent looking. "You're too noisy. I want you and your friends to shut up before I string you to bricks with your tendons and throw you into the ocean to drown."

Skull blinks.

Reborn's Presence ripples and they all scatter backwards, just realising that Skull isn't the only one at risk. The deep gold unfolds, growing larger with every second, and only stills when it overshadows them all, the black streaks swirling like a tornado is contained within him.

"You don't even know how merciful I've been," Reborn murmurs in a low voice, no longer pretending to be friendly. "I could have shattered your mind. I could have possessed your body and walked you to a skyscraper's roof just to watch you splatter against the pavement. And yet you flail around and smother my Presence with hugs as if I wouldn't love to make you just another body in a mass grave."

Fon launches himself at Reborn's Presence as a distraction but the hitman bats the red away with ease. Fon may have airtight control over his body but the mind is another thing entirely.

" _We're coming, just stall!"_  Lal commands.

Reborn breathes out flames of soft yellow with his next exhale, his eyes half-lidded and lips quirked with amusement. _"Such audacity. Do you think you'll find anything but his corpse when you get here?"_

Viper sends a gush of Mist flames in the gold Presence's direction, keeping their distance as they form a cage. Colonnello and Lal tag team, trying to block the disintegrative wisps that Reborn seeps.

Reborn's eyes are bright with malicious glee and his laugh sounds carefree despite the cruelty that causes the humour in the first place.

"God damn, you're unfairly pretty," Skull blurts out. "This might be a bad time, but I think I love you. Not just because you're gorgeous but also, you're always there for me when I need you, and I'm used to you now after months together and… I mean, did you want to try?"

Reborn perks up a little at the compliment about his looks but quickly focuses again. "When have I ever been there for you? I deliberately didn't react to anything."

Skull's eyes go wide. "But you did. Whenever I felt down, you'd get so warm, senpai."

Reborn scowls. "Stop that weeb shit. Do you even know Japanese?"

"No," Skull admits easily. "But I bet you know lots of languages 'cause you're really smart."

Reborn huffs in pride. "I know thirteen languages."

Skull gapes in amazement. "Whoa."

Verde stares at the large gold Presence, which visibly preens under the praise. Reborn didn't expand as an intimidation factor, he just has -by far- the largest personality of them all. The others slow to a stop as well, still making their way to Skull as fast as possible but not all-out attacking Reborn any more.

Reborn smirks. "And I have two PhDs."

"Yeah? What about?"

"Mathematics and Physics," Reborn hums happily. "I had to get one in Physics, you know, because I felt like writing a thesis on the linkage between gravity and time, and the effect that had on what we know of the Higgs field."

"I have no idea what any of that means."

Reborn laughs cruelly. "I know." He leans forward. "Now tell me again about how pretty I am."

" _Really?"_  Viper deadpans.  _"This is what it takes to stop the World's Greatest Hitman?"_

" _I haven't been stopped,"_ Reborn argues.  _"I'm just taking a break."_

"I think I should buy you coffee," the stuntman bribes.

Reborn seems pleasantly surprised. "You're already trained, this is great."

* * *

Not everything is solved, of course. Skull distracts Reborn for about a week before the hitman remembers that he's trying to pull away, not secure himself a boyfriend.

(He low-key thinks Skull is cute when the idiot flails around.)

Reborn condenses his Presence once more and continues to sever the link slowly despite his ridiculous soulmates hunting him down and trying to change his mind.

He can admit, if only to himself, that he wouldn't mind being friends with these people after he pulls back. He just doesn't like the thought of people in his head, that's all. He can get a bit… murderous when he doesn't get enough time to himself and considering that someone is always active in the Common Room, Reborn is very quickly reaching that threshold.

Except Skull asks why Reborn is pulling away and then tells the others the reason. Reborn gets a week to himself and settles back down enough that when Skull breaks into Reborn's apartment, the hitman doesn't really mind being smothered with a hug.

Okay, so apparently getting time to himself isn't as much of an issue as he thought it'd be.

This isn't the point where Reborn gives in and lets the soul bond solidify. It takes a few more moments, such as Viper stepping in when Reborn is about to accept a bad hit or Lal giving him free rein over COMSUBIN's armoury for a day as a birthday present.

There are little things as well, like Fon knowing how Reborn likes his coffee or Verde bringing Keiman over because Reborn loves how cute the alligator is with Leon.

Honestly though, it might have been when Skull proposes abruptly one day;  _because_ _why do they need to date first if Skull is absolutely certain that he'll spend the rest of his life with Reborn anyway?_

Skull is a fucking moron.

Reborn loves him for it.

(Reborn is probably a moron as well for accepting the proposal.)


End file.
